you are
my sun,
my world,
my everything,
a day is not a day,
nor a night a night
without your presence,
and if this shower of stars above,
does not also rain down upon you,
then the endless darkness is for me,
Monday, 22 August 2011
happiness is a mood
"happiness is not a destination it's a mood"
if hope is just a mood like hunger, anger and sorrow then why is it separated from all the others? Everything we dream about and want in life is because we are under the impression that it will bring us happiness, but won't small things which we take for granted do that to? the things we forget to dream about because there always going to be there? like the sunrise, the stars on a clear night and a baby smiling?
why do we even set up the thoughts in our heads of dreams which we hope will come true, the ones we know i never going to happen, why do we keep putting ourselves through the longing for them with happiness as our destination when the on going disappointments of waiting for that day would make it hardly worth it if that day came around anyways.
Someday, someday is the day where we will all be happy and have everything which we have patiently desired throughout our entire lives. It's a place of dreams, the place we hold out for or define as heaven. I think that really we all hold out for someday because then we have something to believe in, like if we achieve something in our life which is from the world of someday or maybe just something we worked hard for then we get happiness, but not just that we get all of it - everything we wanted.
People are wrong, happiness should just be a mood so that life was simpler. And happiness isn't having the perfect life its about smile and being brave in the face of all the negative things
if hope is just a mood like hunger, anger and sorrow then why is it separated from all the others? Everything we dream about and want in life is because we are under the impression that it will bring us happiness, but won't small things which we take for granted do that to? the things we forget to dream about because there always going to be there? like the sunrise, the stars on a clear night and a baby smiling?
why do we even set up the thoughts in our heads of dreams which we hope will come true, the ones we know i never going to happen, why do we keep putting ourselves through the longing for them with happiness as our destination when the on going disappointments of waiting for that day would make it hardly worth it if that day came around anyways.
Someday, someday is the day where we will all be happy and have everything which we have patiently desired throughout our entire lives. It's a place of dreams, the place we hold out for or define as heaven. I think that really we all hold out for someday because then we have something to believe in, like if we achieve something in our life which is from the world of someday or maybe just something we worked hard for then we get happiness, but not just that we get all of it - everything we wanted.
People are wrong, happiness should just be a mood so that life was simpler. And happiness isn't having the perfect life its about smile and being brave in the face of all the negative things
Wednesday, 10 August 2011
the angel
The sky was grey and cloudy and had been that way for months, all through the summer and the autumn which followed. The sun which had once shone over the world had long since mysteriously vanished. The trees which had once sung in the gentle breeze now hissed in a crushing wind. tweeting birds used to bring a smile over every face as they awoke each morning. However now it was just the squawking of crows from the crack of dawn until long after dusk. Sleep was limited, food only consumed when essential and even once loved activities were now rarely participated in.
Until one night that is, when the dark, starless sky was suddenly alight. Something shot across the engulfing black. It was bright and stood out like a ship on the horizon. The light landed on an hill and the most beautiful being appeared from its landing place, an angel. Her pearl white dress, flowing hair and deep soulful eyes made it clear that she was different - that is if they hadn't heard her voice, or the tales about her previously. She was, as you'd expect from an angel, the definition of perfection.
The angel had come from heaven to earth in order to restore the town to its former glory. Of coarse after the night when she landed, the birds sang again, the birds tweeted again and the towns people slept and ate again. There was no explanation for the magic that the angel cast upon the land but from the moment she arrived the town was instantaneously transformed into the beautiful place that it had been previously.
That angel, the angel remained in the town forever in all her glory never dared to leave the town again because without her the town may yet again fall into darkness, and this time may not make it out. So with the angel strongly there forever there was hope once more.
Until one night that is, when the dark, starless sky was suddenly alight. Something shot across the engulfing black. It was bright and stood out like a ship on the horizon. The light landed on an hill and the most beautiful being appeared from its landing place, an angel. Her pearl white dress, flowing hair and deep soulful eyes made it clear that she was different - that is if they hadn't heard her voice, or the tales about her previously. She was, as you'd expect from an angel, the definition of perfection.
The angel had come from heaven to earth in order to restore the town to its former glory. Of coarse after the night when she landed, the birds sang again, the birds tweeted again and the towns people slept and ate again. There was no explanation for the magic that the angel cast upon the land but from the moment she arrived the town was instantaneously transformed into the beautiful place that it had been previously.
That angel, the angel remained in the town forever in all her glory never dared to leave the town again because without her the town may yet again fall into darkness, and this time may not make it out. So with the angel strongly there forever there was hope once more.
Sunday, 17 July 2011
The break down
Can you feel it when your heart breaks? I mean physically feel it in your chest, as your heart shatters into tiny shards all of which are barely visible and are insignificant. Well i know that you can.
Hardly anything at all can cause your heart an injury, just a decision, a sentence or the expression in a pair of gorgeous eyes is all it takes. Once that first chip appears, and your unable to free yourself from the powerful love which is keeping you rooted where you are, you become fragile, delicate, the slightest nudge could break you. That small chip which hurt you and seemed to become faded is just the start, because it grows. It starts as a chip but that grows into a cut which becomes a crack and then your heart falls to peaces.
When your heart falls you can feel it inside you, though the rest of your insides are empty. It aches in your chest, and you can feel every tiny peace still beating inside you, doing its best to keep you alive. Except your not sure if you want to be anymore. And there's a darkness that has a hold of your chest squeezing it tighter and tighter and you feel like you have to run, to escape or else you will surely suffocate, so that's what you do. You find an excuse, any excuse you can to get away, for just 5minuets so you can breath and prolong the pain, if only for a short time its worth it so it remains hidden, a secret.
And that's it. Expecting another few paragraphs? a sign of hope? something more? Well this is it, a sudden end. In a way its like love or heartbreak, sudden. So I'm sorry, it's over now. This is the end.
Hardly anything at all can cause your heart an injury, just a decision, a sentence or the expression in a pair of gorgeous eyes is all it takes. Once that first chip appears, and your unable to free yourself from the powerful love which is keeping you rooted where you are, you become fragile, delicate, the slightest nudge could break you. That small chip which hurt you and seemed to become faded is just the start, because it grows. It starts as a chip but that grows into a cut which becomes a crack and then your heart falls to peaces.
When your heart falls you can feel it inside you, though the rest of your insides are empty. It aches in your chest, and you can feel every tiny peace still beating inside you, doing its best to keep you alive. Except your not sure if you want to be anymore. And there's a darkness that has a hold of your chest squeezing it tighter and tighter and you feel like you have to run, to escape or else you will surely suffocate, so that's what you do. You find an excuse, any excuse you can to get away, for just 5minuets so you can breath and prolong the pain, if only for a short time its worth it so it remains hidden, a secret.
And that's it. Expecting another few paragraphs? a sign of hope? something more? Well this is it, a sudden end. In a way its like love or heartbreak, sudden. So I'm sorry, it's over now. This is the end.
Thursday, 7 July 2011
I and you
I want to hold your hand,
In the dead of the night,
I want to dance with you,
In the middle of the street,
I want to run a mile in the rain,
Just to see you for 5minuets,
I never loved,
Until i kissed your gentle face,
I never hurt,
Until I could be with you no longer,
I never cried,
Until you loved another,
no one else matters, in comparison with you,
so know that my heart, will always be with you,
In the dead of the night,
I want to dance with you,
In the middle of the street,
I want to run a mile in the rain,
Just to see you for 5minuets,
I never loved,
Until i kissed your gentle face,
I never hurt,
Until I could be with you no longer,
I never cried,
Until you loved another,
no one else matters, in comparison with you,
so know that my heart, will always be with you,
Wednesday, 22 June 2011
The wounds
I'm only human. We can all break or shatter.The events in our past make our present and our future through the decisions which we make. Mine, has made me more breakable than most. Someone that matters to me can hurt me with there actions in a minuet, two words or even just the tone of there voice. That's all it takes for me to fall down, a broken vase.
But there's something you should know. I am fragile yes so I can be easily broken, but because of that when I face the same thing again I am easier to rebuild. It takes a mere week, maybe only a few days to mend where the first time it may have taken months for me to grow back in to what I was before hand. Though I'm like a child, I can't do it alone, I'm not strong enough. I need someone to help me find and place the peaces of my puzzle, or else i will get worse. The wound which only needed a few hugs, a talk and some loving attention will become infected by the suffering of feeling being unwanted.
You were never meant to know that you hurt me the way you do. You should have never seen the cuts, the bruises and the scars which I get from you, because it worries and scares you that you can do this to me and so easily. Though you shouldn't. These wounds are so easily heeled that you don't need knowledge of them for them to become just marks from the past. Just one hour with you can makes the cuts become light scratches on the skin and the bruises disappear altogether. But you know me to well. You are protective of me as we both know, so every 20 minuets or so that I am with you I get checked for signs of damage. Anything that wasn't there before, a change in mood or a different look in my eyes gets noticed, noted and questioned. So you realise when something has hurt me.
I don't mind that I get hurt being with you. With the amount of time we spend together it was inevitable and I wouldn't change that for the world. Though I know you try your best, you can't always sensor what you do or say and I get hurt. When you hurt me it goes straight to the heart and will stay there until it stops hurting because you've heeled it, weather or not you know you are. It then moves from my heart to my brain where I continue to over analysis it but now it is now joined with the the thoughts of how you made it better until the strength of this heeling that you gave me overcomes any moments which you let your guard down and it is gone.
In reading this you may worry, well please don't. You are the silver lining on a cloud. I know you never mean to hurt me, and i wouldn't ever want to prevent you from following your heart because of me. Seeing you happy and with someone else is much better than seeing you lifeless from protecting me. Your happiness means more to me than anything else ever does, so crack a smile and stop worrying. The little moments of misguided thought that hurts me I can deal with, I've had the practice, but I can't deal with you being forced into a bank volt worrying about touching the beams, I don't want to do that to you. So just relax and be you. I'll be ok, I promise.
As hard as you try you can never protect me from everything, though I love that you try. You were worried that this was because you try to protect me so much that you just don't see someone coming to hurt me. No, that's not it. Your just not a super hero, though it's fair to say you're mine with all that you do for me. You can't control other people so they are going to keep firing bullets at my heart and some will get through that shield which you put up around me. But I don't worry about those that do because I know that you will always be there to heal it afterwards. In fact at one point when I got hurt I saw the good side, that yes I was in a lot of pain and you were worried but at least I got to be close to you while you made the world better again.
I'm scared, one day you won't be here anymore and my best medicine will be gone. You say there will be someone in your place but you are truly irreplaceable. Someone may come along one day and protect me and heal me also, but nobody will ever do it in the same way as you do because you're special. I don't like the idea of someone else heeling me, that means you won't be here anymore and I don't want that. Where will you be? Will I even be remembered? The one that's spent so long tending me when I'm in pain, and I hope that I do the same to you. We've been through more than just a lot together in such a short space of time, that most people never have to face in a life time. We stood in the face of everything hand in hand, side by side and ready for the war and every time we got out alive. I can't leave you. I can't forget you. I can't release you. And I won't. You're mine forever.
But there's something you should know. I am fragile yes so I can be easily broken, but because of that when I face the same thing again I am easier to rebuild. It takes a mere week, maybe only a few days to mend where the first time it may have taken months for me to grow back in to what I was before hand. Though I'm like a child, I can't do it alone, I'm not strong enough. I need someone to help me find and place the peaces of my puzzle, or else i will get worse. The wound which only needed a few hugs, a talk and some loving attention will become infected by the suffering of feeling being unwanted.
You were never meant to know that you hurt me the way you do. You should have never seen the cuts, the bruises and the scars which I get from you, because it worries and scares you that you can do this to me and so easily. Though you shouldn't. These wounds are so easily heeled that you don't need knowledge of them for them to become just marks from the past. Just one hour with you can makes the cuts become light scratches on the skin and the bruises disappear altogether. But you know me to well. You are protective of me as we both know, so every 20 minuets or so that I am with you I get checked for signs of damage. Anything that wasn't there before, a change in mood or a different look in my eyes gets noticed, noted and questioned. So you realise when something has hurt me.
I don't mind that I get hurt being with you. With the amount of time we spend together it was inevitable and I wouldn't change that for the world. Though I know you try your best, you can't always sensor what you do or say and I get hurt. When you hurt me it goes straight to the heart and will stay there until it stops hurting because you've heeled it, weather or not you know you are. It then moves from my heart to my brain where I continue to over analysis it but now it is now joined with the the thoughts of how you made it better until the strength of this heeling that you gave me overcomes any moments which you let your guard down and it is gone.
In reading this you may worry, well please don't. You are the silver lining on a cloud. I know you never mean to hurt me, and i wouldn't ever want to prevent you from following your heart because of me. Seeing you happy and with someone else is much better than seeing you lifeless from protecting me. Your happiness means more to me than anything else ever does, so crack a smile and stop worrying. The little moments of misguided thought that hurts me I can deal with, I've had the practice, but I can't deal with you being forced into a bank volt worrying about touching the beams, I don't want to do that to you. So just relax and be you. I'll be ok, I promise.
As hard as you try you can never protect me from everything, though I love that you try. You were worried that this was because you try to protect me so much that you just don't see someone coming to hurt me. No, that's not it. Your just not a super hero, though it's fair to say you're mine with all that you do for me. You can't control other people so they are going to keep firing bullets at my heart and some will get through that shield which you put up around me. But I don't worry about those that do because I know that you will always be there to heal it afterwards. In fact at one point when I got hurt I saw the good side, that yes I was in a lot of pain and you were worried but at least I got to be close to you while you made the world better again.
I'm scared, one day you won't be here anymore and my best medicine will be gone. You say there will be someone in your place but you are truly irreplaceable. Someone may come along one day and protect me and heal me also, but nobody will ever do it in the same way as you do because you're special. I don't like the idea of someone else heeling me, that means you won't be here anymore and I don't want that. Where will you be? Will I even be remembered? The one that's spent so long tending me when I'm in pain, and I hope that I do the same to you. We've been through more than just a lot together in such a short space of time, that most people never have to face in a life time. We stood in the face of everything hand in hand, side by side and ready for the war and every time we got out alive. I can't leave you. I can't forget you. I can't release you. And I won't. You're mine forever.
Friday, 17 June 2011
What you really are
To My best friend, this blog is in response to your one called 'One Day' because it was to long to comment.
One day I will realise how everything you warned me about you is the opposite of the true you because any person who tells you that you are even close to how you see yourself so is either lying due to anger or has no idea who you really are but are jealous of what they see.
Yes, my best friend I have let my defences down with you but, I don't regret that and never will. Although I know you are a tremendous actress I think its also fair to say that I have also seen you when you weren't acting and i still didn't see the monster which you speak of. I love you for who you are, believe that it's good enough.
You may be young, we both are but you've faced a lot of things that many people never have to face in a life time let alone by the age of 16. That makes you one of the strongest person i know. And mentally you are very wise and way over 16. Despite what you think there is not a trace of evil within you, there is good and bad like in all people but nothing more than that and there never can be because you are above that and are much to good a person.
I've heard what people don't like about you, but those people haven't ever taken the time to get to know you and see what me and all the others who are lucky enough to get close to you have. And the fact that the one exception to this regrets her mistakes after just remembering the true you proves that. There was one day where a slight part of my mind doubted you and that day we had one of the only two fights we've had and i hated it and i hated myself for it and for ever having any doubt of you because It was so wrong of me to lose even the smallest amount of faith in you for just a second. We're never going back to a day like that again.
I will leave you, because as you've probably realised I tend to hang onto people who were once my close friends and i hold on to them for a very long time. We may not be as close as we are now forever but I will never hate you and you have my word on that. So you better prepare yourself because you're stuck with my annoying arse forever.
The things which I love about you I will love forever and I shall never think of you when I think of my stupidity. Being friends with you is one of the smartest things I've ever done and where would I be without you? because the thought of that and the fact after 2 years we won't be together any more scares me more than almost anything else. I know what I see in you and I will always remember you, my best friend. And if you change, well then I guess you'll have to deal with me changing alongside you.
One day you will realise you are not a monster and that it's what your friends think of you that is who you really are.
From your forever friend xx
One day I will realise how everything you warned me about you is the opposite of the true you because any person who tells you that you are even close to how you see yourself so is either lying due to anger or has no idea who you really are but are jealous of what they see.
Yes, my best friend I have let my defences down with you but, I don't regret that and never will. Although I know you are a tremendous actress I think its also fair to say that I have also seen you when you weren't acting and i still didn't see the monster which you speak of. I love you for who you are, believe that it's good enough.
You may be young, we both are but you've faced a lot of things that many people never have to face in a life time let alone by the age of 16. That makes you one of the strongest person i know. And mentally you are very wise and way over 16. Despite what you think there is not a trace of evil within you, there is good and bad like in all people but nothing more than that and there never can be because you are above that and are much to good a person.
I've heard what people don't like about you, but those people haven't ever taken the time to get to know you and see what me and all the others who are lucky enough to get close to you have. And the fact that the one exception to this regrets her mistakes after just remembering the true you proves that. There was one day where a slight part of my mind doubted you and that day we had one of the only two fights we've had and i hated it and i hated myself for it and for ever having any doubt of you because It was so wrong of me to lose even the smallest amount of faith in you for just a second. We're never going back to a day like that again.
I will leave you, because as you've probably realised I tend to hang onto people who were once my close friends and i hold on to them for a very long time. We may not be as close as we are now forever but I will never hate you and you have my word on that. So you better prepare yourself because you're stuck with my annoying arse forever.
The things which I love about you I will love forever and I shall never think of you when I think of my stupidity. Being friends with you is one of the smartest things I've ever done and where would I be without you? because the thought of that and the fact after 2 years we won't be together any more scares me more than almost anything else. I know what I see in you and I will always remember you, my best friend. And if you change, well then I guess you'll have to deal with me changing alongside you.
One day you will realise you are not a monster and that it's what your friends think of you that is who you really are.
From your forever friend xx
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