Our magnet

For a reason unknown to myself we were two opposite ends of a magnet. Drawn to each other by force and attraction with little other reasoning behind it in that moment. Suddenly the world was new and unpredictable. Although when I thought about this connection had always existed – though it had been submerged.

While the events of that night unfolded my mind sped back to a memory of you, looping inside my brain. The memory was, as it is now, hazy because it wasn’t until I saw the spark of magic within you that I allowed myself to let you stand out from the rest and even then hope was an unknown world. I remembered the first moment you had an effect on my heart. It was June, the sun was bright above me and its warmth hugged me.  I approached the green and my eyes caught you. My legs began to run towards you, before I’d even questioned their reasoning. The force I hit you with, when at last I reached you should have struck you to the ground yet somehow – with my arms around you, you managed to stay standing. After a moment I took a step back and noticed your attire. You were dressed the way that I would later become to see you. A dress of pearl white dress highlighted you perfectly, with a feathered halo to match and wings to complete the outfit. An angel. I sparked as you took my hand and let our fingers lock for the next few hours. I confess, I gave into your smile, your touch, your beauty as though I was a lost child and now I was complete.

The night continued. One whisper and the world around me changed. No other world existed but us. Other people, other noises became a whirl wind and was gone. Our whispers, our touches were so loud and bold to me it was like lightening – how nobody suspected escapes me. A slow movement of a hand, a brief opening of lips, a change in tone. Every second I felt how you longed for my previously unfamiliar touch, how you wanted me close. Upon my soft neck I could feel your breathing become more intense – urging me to continue.  We stayed close, always touching as though at each other’s release we would awake from this dream. Eventually we had to part, but it was not over. Your sweet breath sighed in my ear as you got to your feet. Lips which longed for the touch of yours curved into a smile at this.

When you returned to me I wanted to be even close to you and you felt the same. Time was running out, we had to leave soon. I took your hand and we sped to the bathroom – somewhere we could be alone. On the way we joked about what we about to do. Then the door was shut behind us and we could see each other clearly for the first time. My hands held your waist and pulled you close as yours wrested around my neck. For a moment I stared into your ocean blue eyes and the world was perfect. Our heads tilted and we leaned in. Warmth hit me as soon as our lips met for the first time. After a blurred amount of time our eyes met again as though some force would always bring them back together. As I looked into the depths of you I saw a smile radiating from inside you, you must have seen the same for seconds later we repeated our sin.

Footsteps. Voices. Girls approaching. We broke apart, but this time our eyes were only able to meet briefly before we each took a few steps apart as the door opened. For now, it was over and you had to leave.

How could I do that to you? Why did you do that to you? As soon as our lips met I made everything so complicated. I made you question what you thought you knew, change who you were and become ashamed of part of you. You said it was nothing, you still do, but nothing destroyed us. And now here we are disconnected and lost. A torturous life was what I gave to you. Yet a magnet still pulls us together.

Is this love?

She was sitting there, my beautiful girl except she wasn't mine. The girl i would happily die for, yet there she sat with someone else. My heart pounded in angest. Though there was only a two metre gap between us it felt like i was here in cold, wet England she was off in sunny Australia.
I'd always loved her and i knew i always would. That first time she had been seen with these now teary eyes i knew there was something special about her. For the rest of that party i kept glancing at her, admiring her grace, her beauty, her smile. Eventually i'd gathered the courage to talk to what was soon to become the centre of my life. Each step towards her felt like a step towards destiny. One more deep breath, this was it. Suddenly i wasnt nervous. Gleaming saphire eyes were looking into my dull brown ones. With that i started talking. I confess i think if it wasn't for the approval of her sole a jumbled mess of sounds may have errupted from my mouth instead. To my amazment we talked continuously for the rest of that night. Her name was Rose and she had recently moved into a house near by with her friend sarah. I can still remember the chearing and the words "yes single" going off in my mind that
night. I also found out about her family, her job and her puppy Buttons. With every word i became more infatuated with her. By the end of the night I wanted nothing more for her hand to be in mine and for us to live a long happy life together.

That was over a year ago now. Since that night we had become best friends which although wasn't my original intension was nice just the same. There was a time when they'd rarely be a day when we'd be abscent from each others company. We were fighting the world and doing it together. When those rare days arrived when we were abscent form each others company we'd be messaging through it continuously because of how much we missed each other. What always kept me going was that I knew I'd see her soon and feel her warmth with those greeting hugs that we had become acustome to. Sometimes it took a battle to reach her, but I'd do anthing for her so I'd keep fighting. One summers day when I had flu I was so insitant that I must see her that I packed a back pack full of films and entertainment and walked a mile through the rain to get to her. It was worth it, despite the fact she was repeatedly comlaining at how i'd still come. She didn't know that the journey there was what it took for me to start feeling better.  

So there I sat. Lightening was stricking through me. Inside my head all words were lost, all reason was lost their was nothing left except him and her and my vanishing heart. Their presents was sufficating, my throught was dry, my breaths drew long. Then I stood up. It drove me that they didn't even notice my movement. My hand reached out, I hardly even noticed. Suddenly in my hand was a TV remote, i flipped it gently from one side to the other and then my arm was raised. One flick of the rist was all it took for my world to change. It smacked her in the side of her soft face. She squeeled with pain. The force was so immense I could feel it from where I stood, but I didn't care. My heart was now empty, yet somehow one glance from those stunning, tearful eyes still burned me. Blood poured down her left cheeck below her pink tense hand. Down the side of my face tears began to flow but I kept focused on her for a few more seconds, watching the distruction I had caused. Something beat into my chest. The boys fists kept gliding through the air and smashing into me - any part of me it could touch. Eventually I realised that I was fighting back. Force from somewhere I didn't no existed were tearing at his innocent flesh. My back screamed in pain as I was thrown into a wooden table, but I dragged him down with me. Rolling so he was the one pinned against the table I placed my left hand near his throught and raised my right arm. "Stop" a muffled voice cried. I paused just in time. We both turned our heads to face her. Then that was it, the end.

But there is ust one question, is this love?

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You do not see it

Your beautiful to me, though you do not see it,
You warm me up inside, though you do not see it,
Your voice keeps me calm, though you do not see it,
I know you're for me, but you do not see it,

Your lovely to me, though you do not get that,
You make me strong, though you do not get that,
Your arms keep me safe, though you do not get that,
I know you're for me, but you do not get that,

Your perfect for me, though you'll never be mine,
You make me dream, though you'll never be mine,
Your laugh makes me smile, though you'll never be mine,
I know you're for me, but you'll never be mine,

Old dreams

It was you and I, nobody else just us. To me nothing else mattered anyways. We'd slide right into it, gentle and easy. You said it yourself once - we'd make a good couple.

At first just holding hands and hugging would be the only real difference, we were so close already. Then gradually we'd become less like we were and more like people that weren't just close but needed each other. As it was already one of us would always need the other - usually I you - but that would become a two way thing. People always said we were one person, but not yet, not quite. That's what I was hoping for.

After that we'd go to uni together. I didn't and still don't want to lose you when it comes to that - it scares me the most. I thought that we could live together there and have what are meant to be the best experiences of our lives together. "We've faced everything together and got out alive", words you once wrote to me so I didn't think that would be a challenge, not for us. We'd just be facing the real world together instead of the traumatic dramas of our lives, that most don't have to face in a life time.

After this we'd get a flat together. I know you want to live in the city so I thought somewhere like home that is out of the city centre but still has all the benefits of it. Chickens of course, just for the random factor and to keep me amused. Eventually, if we got the money, we'd get an architect to build a house just for us. But that was a long shot.

Of course they'd be a wedding. I knew how I'd make the proposal and what you'd wear at the wedding and the whole service. I thought you'd want it in a church so I thought I'd go to church for a few weeks prior to the grand event. Then, on the grand day, you'd look beautiful, more beautiful then I'd ever seen you - though when I was dreaming this I wasn't sure of how this would be possible. Your white dress would make you look even more like an angel, but having had one look at it I'd only be able to focus on your eyes. Those deep eyes that would keep me calm and put a smile on my face like nothing else could. Then a plain off to the honeymoon - Australia because of how you loved it.

Kids; two; a boy and a girl, one each was my way of thinking.

As you can see I had our whole lives planned together in my head, plus so much more. Once you said to me, "we'll have to try it some time". I claimed that this was a temporary idea of yours because you wouldn't say such things usually but you but you insisted that it wasn't. Sure enough that idea crumbled and the day it did my dream collapsed. The small part of me that had been stuck in reality all those months knew that you'd find someone and why it wouldn't be me, why it couldn't be me. But I'm glad it wasn't. For if it hadn't, then on the 6th of February you wouldn't have become as happy as I've ever seen you. Congratulations to the both of you.

Her

At my youth group we had a poetry night so the next 2 poems are what I wrote there:

Angel, I saw her there,
One look, one glance, one stair,
Beautiful by definition,
She was on a peaceful mission,
My heart skipped a beat,
The first time I saw you in the street,
As months grew long,
My feelings carried on,
You'd sworn they'd be no other,
Yet one day you found another,
This heart of my reduced to stone,
Now I was left all alone,
I knew still that their could be no other,
And to this day I am not recovered,

How it was

How it was:

I needed you to know what I felt and the thoughts which went through my head at different times, but I couldn't do it. I got so scared that something I said might hurt you, or scare you or anger you and I didn't and don't want to do any of that and I'm never going to. But you are honestly the strongest person that I've ever met. So you wanted to know what i felt and thought? Well here's an insight.

When you sat next to me, all I want to do was reach out a touch your hand, but i couldn't. They were warm, soft and comforting. On the rare occasions where my hand touched yours something changed inside of me. All of a sudden, regardless of how broken i was or how much pain I was in, it just vanished. For a short time I felt safe, as an overwhelming sense of calm came over me. Sometimes I need to, not that you always knew this so i stayed away. When you said something that hurt me and i felt i might crumble in front of you I'd clench my fists, try to stay strong, but it was difficult. I'd try to stay near you. When I could it meant that the pain of the words coming from your mouth were behind a shield which your touch put around me, protecting my heart temporarily. As soon as you were gone my heart received the full effect of the bullets that had before that point been cushioned, but at least this way you didn't see the effects.

I am a coward. I run when things get to much, so i used to with you. When you hurt me it was different to anyone else. It felt like something had a hold of my chest, making it near impossible for me to breath. I could feel my heart as it turned to lead and a sort of dark emptiness which seemed to be ever tightening around it. I tried to forget you, just until the bullets became memories shut in a chest in my mind, but I never could.

And then I ran. But this is the bravest act of cowardice there is, because it was to protect you and because I came back. I'd make an excuse to leave your side just for a minuet, you never noticed that's what it was and part of me hoped that you never would. Then for a minuet I'd sit with head in hands trying to breath again, occasionally a tear would run down my cheek as i quickly glued myself together. I would build up my strength until I was human again and then I'd go back to you, I always did and always will. I'd return at your side pretending that nothing had happened. The glue holds off most of the pain from then until you left or closed your eyes beside me and then i was in peaces. The glue couldn't hold me together any more. Within seconds I was a mess. My thoughts were all of pain, though my heart didn't care about it. Tears rolled down my face, though my heart didn't notice. My breathing got faster, my heart didn't try to slow it down. As long as you were happy and safe it would didn't matter.


That was a long time ago now. I'm no longer as scared or breakable as i was back then. I can now tell you the things i hid from you for so long if you desire or there's a need for it. I'm afraid my friend that what i hid from you, this and so much more may detest you - but some of it should be said. I am ashamed of what i was back then. I'm sorry for my uncontrollable naivety, my crumbling and everything else.

Yours sincerely your friend x

A flower without rain

I was a seed, newly planted. Ready and waiting for what was coming. The prospects of hope lay there in my shoots. Along you came, the rain. The glorious rain that i craved and desired. Water, perfect in your complex, simplicity. So gentle, yet powerful. So clear yet so blurred. So reflective and yet so transparent. Hydrogen and oxygen bonded together as one, unable to part, as we were. Now all hope was with you.

With your help I broke out of the ground, shooting for the skies. Knowing you were always there, keeping me upright, keeping me stable, I couldn't have been stronger. You'd be there with me when i needed you most. When i was without you I longed for your return because I missed you so. You built me up, prepared me for those days when I awaited you. This soil was mine, this sun was mine, this life was mine. Nothing could stop me!

But now summer's come, and there is rain no more. You've left me. I long await your return, as ever, but knowing this time that it will not come. The sun that made me squirm because it meant a day without you is now all I have. You know I need both. I was reliant on you, now without you I will surly shrivel into a brown, crisping mass. I will crumble at the slightest touch, no bees, nor butterflies nor other elegant creatures will touch me now. My insides will drain of all you gave me. Then I will die.

Tell me how to bring you close? The thing i need to survive. Save me as you always do and allow me to grow and bloom as i used to.  Take my sole of lead and turn it back into feather, take my leaking eyes and turn them back into diamonds, then take my heart of glass and turn it back into rhythm. Place your reflection inside of me where it belongs, and leave it there forever.

world restored

It was a lovely summers day, three teenagers were walking through a forest with large oak and Burch trees all around them. Rays of hope shone down through the leaves and caught on there elegant faces. Twigs broke lightly under there feet as they walked. Singing birds announced there presents, as though they were royalty. All in all a happy summers day on appearance.

Of the teenagers there were two girls, Karis and Rose, both with flowing hair that reached just below their shoulders that blew in the slight breeze. The boy, James, towered above them and had his hand comfortably in Karis', his blue eyes glancing over at her every few seconds checking for her approval. Rose's emerald green eyes were fixated on the ground in front of her feet as if it held the answer to everything within its leaves. She walked glumly behind Karis and James so as to not interrupt and feeling that by seeing Karis there in front of her, although with someone else, she was still in her world and not just a ghost from some distant memory.

Rose's heart pounded against her chest, you could see it in the darkness that lay within her bodies windows. Her left hand was clutched inside her pocket as though the tighter she squeezed it the less pain she would feel. Her right was half closed and placed over her heart, feeling its beat against her chest, checking it was still beating, still working, still intact.

Just as James pulled karis in close with his arm now firmly around her waist, Rose broke. Peaces lay on the floor around her. She exploded! Not knowing what to do she barged between the two in front, breaking them as far apart as she could manage and stormed into the depth of the forest. Nothing mattered to her now, the only thing that did was gone. If she never found a way out of here, if she died here then it would be far to pleasant an end, not painful or satisfactory enough to match the pain inside her. The gloom was all around her, but she did not care.

It had been less than five minuets in that depressing existence when Rose heard a voice, the one voice which could make her look back, see reason. This voice belonged to Karis.
"Rose, Rose stop!"
Rose stopped in her tracks as soon as she heard it. Karis, having found her and only a few feet away mimicked her motion.
"Rose, come back" she whispered desperately "come back."
"you shouldn't have done that" Rose turned and faced her best friend and staring into her shining brown eyes found she could contain herself no longer. She walked up to Karis and sealed her lips in a tight embrace. Not daring to let go, for fear of what may happen next Rose placed her left arm around her friends neck keeping her as close as possible so as to mend and find hope again. Karis kissed her back with such a passion it was as though she had been freed.

After what seemed to the pair like it could have been hours and yet only seconds at the same time they broke apart. The two stared adamantly at each other, now seeing the reflection of there own desires in the other they refused to step away from each other. It was as though in this moment that they had to remain close and touching at all times, or else the world would end. The sun lit across their beaming faces as they both answered the unasked question with another kiss.

The break down

Can you feel it when your heart breaks? I mean physically feel it in your chest, as your heart shatters into tiny shards all of which are barely visible and are insignificant. Well i know that you can.

Hardly anything at all can cause your heart an injury, just a decision, a sentence or the expression in a pair of gorgeous eyes is all it takes. Once that first chip appears, and your unable to free yourself from the powerful love which is keeping you rooted where you are, you become fragile, delicate, the slightest nudge could break you. That small chip which hurt you and seemed to become faded is just the start, because it grows. It starts as a chip but that grows into a cut which becomes a crack and then your heart falls to peaces.

When your heart falls you can feel it inside you, though the rest of your insides are empty. It aches in your chest, and you can feel every tiny peace still beating inside you, doing its best to keep you alive. Except your not sure if you want to be anymore. And there's a darkness that has a hold of your chest squeezing it tighter and tighter and you feel like you have to run, to escape or else you will surely suffocate, so that's what you do. You find an excuse, any excuse you can to get away, for just 5minuets so you can breath and prolong the pain, if only for a short time its worth it so it remains hidden, a secret.

And that's it. Expecting another few paragraphs? a sign of hope? something more? Well this is it, a sudden end. In a way its like love or heartbreak, sudden. So I'm sorry, it's over now. This is the end.

The wounds

I'm only human. We can all break or shatter.The events in our past make our present and our future through the decisions which we make. Mine, has made me more breakable than most. Someone that matters to me can hurt me with there actions in a minuet, two words or even just the tone of there voice. That's all it takes for me to fall down, a broken vase.

But there's something you should know. I am fragile yes so I can be easily broken, but because of that when I face the same thing again I am easier to rebuild. It takes a mere week, maybe only a few days to mend where the first time it may have taken months for me to grow back in to what I was before hand. Though I'm like a child, I can't do it alone, I'm not strong enough. I need someone to help me find and place the peaces of my puzzle, or else i will get worse. The wound which only needed a few hugs, a talk and some loving attention will become infected by the suffering of feeling being unwanted.

You were never meant to know that you hurt me the way you do. You should have never seen the cuts, the bruises and the scars which I get from you, because it worries and scares you that you can do this to me and so easily. Though you shouldn't. These wounds are so easily heeled that you don't need knowledge of them for them to become just marks from the past. Just one hour with you can makes the cuts become light scratches on the skin and the bruises disappear altogether. But you know me to well. You are protective of me as we both know, so every 20 minuets or so that I am with you I get checked for signs of damage. Anything that wasn't there before, a change in mood or a different look in my eyes gets noticed, noted and questioned. So you realise when something has hurt me.

I don't mind that I get hurt being with you. With the amount of time we spend together it was inevitable and I wouldn't change that for the world. Though I know you try your best, you can't always sensor what you do or say and I get hurt. When you hurt me it goes straight to the heart and will stay there until it stops hurting because you've heeled it, weather or not you know you are. It then moves from my heart to my brain where I continue to over analysis it but now it is now joined with the the thoughts of how you made it better until the strength of this heeling that you gave me overcomes any moments which you let your guard down and it is gone.

In reading this you may worry, well please don't. You are the silver lining on a cloud. I know you never mean to hurt me, and i wouldn't ever want to prevent you from following your heart because of me. Seeing you happy and with someone else is much better than seeing you lifeless from protecting me. Your happiness means more to me than anything else ever does, so crack a smile and stop worrying. The little moments of misguided thought that hurts me I can deal with, I've had the practice, but I can't deal with you being forced into a bank volt worrying about touching the beams, I don't want to do that to you. So just relax and be you. I'll be ok, I promise.

As hard as you try you can never protect me from everything, though I love that you try. You were worried that this was because you try to protect me so much that you just don't see someone coming to hurt me. No, that's not it. Your just not a super hero, though it's fair to say you're mine with all that you do for me. You can't control other people so they are going to keep firing bullets at my heart and some will get through that shield which you put up around me. But I don't worry about those that do because I know that you will always be there to heal it afterwards. In fact at one point when I got hurt I saw the good side, that yes I was in a lot of pain and you were worried but at least I got to be close to you while you made the world better again.

I'm scared, one day you won't be here anymore and my best medicine will be gone. You say there will be someone in your place but you are truly irreplaceable. Someone may come along one day and protect me and heal me also, but nobody will ever do it in the same way as you do because you're special. I don't like the idea of someone else heeling me, that means you won't be here anymore and I don't want that. Where will you be? Will I even be remembered? The one that's spent so long tending me when I'm in pain, and I hope that I do the same to you. We've been through more than just a lot together in such a short space of time, that most people never have to face in a life time. We stood in the face of everything hand in hand, side by side and ready for the war and every time we got out alive. I can't leave you. I can't forget you. I can't release you. And I won't. You're mine forever.

The changes of us

You're there, right next to me, and your mine. What miracle did I perform to deserve this. After all this time, all my waiting, all my longing and at last we'd become us. No longer did I have to love being with you, but suffer through it. That all seems silly now, when i'm lying here in your arms, but i remember it so clearly its as though that those dark, miserable times only ended this morning. Every night, when i sleep, the memories are there, tormenting me.

 I would be near you all the time, but i could not touch you or even get within a foot of you for fear you might find it strange. I could make you laugh, but when you were down there was never anything i could do to make you smile, and your stubbornness didn't help the matter, and it was killing me. Like a slow torture eating away at my insides day after day, but i couldn't show it, I could never let you see the pain you were putting me through because i knew it would hurt you and the last thing that I've ever wanted was to hurt you. I swear I've never wanted anything more in my life then to be with you. Honestly from deep within my heart I have know idea how I of all people managed to see you day after day and not kiss you or tell you, show you how i much I did, and still, do care for you.

Thank goodness I don't have to restrain myself any longer, because we're together now. I'm not sure about "meant to be" or any of that which we hear and read about but I do know how I feel about you. I never want to leave you, or hurt you and you are the only thing that matters to me because without you I am nothing and I mean nothing. Hundreds may have said this to you before I did, and meant it as I do, but I promise you with me it's different. With the way I feel about you there's no going back because I'm in forever. And I love you.

Heartbreak of Shaw

George bernard shaw once wrote "there ore two tragedies in life, one is to lose your hearts desire. The other is to gain it". He was clearly a man who experienced heartbreak a few times in his life.

However I have to say the I whole heatedly disagree with him. Gaining your hearts desire is not a tragedy as without it we are just misery and longing, which are both tragedies in themselves. Also the fact that gaining your hearts desire, if only for a short time, can make all the suffering, pain a grief in the world disappear, because for one moment it can make the world stop and just be magical, then it is far from tragedy. In fact you might say that it is in fact the opposite. This is because you are filled with this feeling, this emotion which we like to call love. Though no words that ever have been nor ever will be spoken can ever do it justice or descirbe its true glory. I  mean something of such graceful elegance mixed with its overwhelming good power can never be anything short of amazing, can it?

Now losing your hearts desire can be horrible indeed. The loss of of your hearts desire weather man or woman, old or young, black or white can cause such agony that you feel unable to breathe and that you will die of this excruciating thing which you are going through. In fact you would rather die so that it was all over rather than live like this without happiness or hope. So yes losing your hearts desire may cause a temporary injection of pain, much like that of tearing off a plaster, but isn't this better than having a hearts desire which you do not and will not ever have? because that is one of the true great tragedies of this world. Though without longing and without loss we are mere spoiled children, who are as resentful as they are despised.

So I say give me heartbreak, because the torture of never having is far worse than the pain of losing. You should remember the good times where you sang and danced in the park just for an excuse to be close to each other, not caring who saw or what they thought of you for doing so. Because, I'm not sure about you, but I'd give a lot for that moment or even just the memory of it, just once.

You think so much

You think your so superior to me, don't you? I can see it in your eyes when you look at me, I can hear it in your voice when you talk to me and i can feel it in your touch when you hug me. In your mind your looking down on me from a height of 6ft aren't you? but in reality your not even close.

You think you know me to, don't you? with they way you talk, thinking you can control my every move, but i assure you that you can't. You tell me to do something and true i may do it, but if you new the whole truth about me you wouldn't dare order me around. In fact i think you'd be scared of getting to close to me. If you knew half of my past then you would be so shocked that eyebrow that twitches when your angry would be half way down your back by the time I'd finished talking.

You think you matter to me? not half as much as you think or do. I hide behind my mask of innocents so you, nor any other, can see the monster within. But behind this mask is me a beast. I despise you, why wouldn't I? You think your so perfect, your mood is the right mood, your reaction is the right reaction, your way is the right way. I hate to break it you hun, but your not always right. There was a time when I'll admit i believed you to be nearly as great as you think you are, but that was short lived because then i saw and got to know the real you and i hated it! You put me through this pain without even knowing it, and i want to run away from it from you because you are war.

You think i should leave? I can't. With ever fibre of my being i wish i could lose you forever and make you disappear, i never want to be near you yet i always am. You see unfortunately for me there will always be that attachment there which i can not destroy because of what you were to me, once.

You think a lot of things and i can tell you now that you are wrong. Yet there was something inside of you, once. Maybe deep down i don't leave you, or fight you, or hurt you because i hope it's still there. But hun, if you don't stop thinking the day will come when i do.

An eruption of hearts

It's there inside of me, a green and red monster eating away at my suffering. Constantly she attacks my chest, my mind, my heart. Weather a word, a thought or a sight triggers her, her presence is always palpable and as much of a nightmare as her last aggressive appearence. Roaring every time i see him with her I feel tortured and as though i am present but no longer alive. She is submerged...for now, a volcano waiting to erupt.

People say I'm weak, but they have no idea. It takes an army armed with spears, swords, guns fighting like superheros to keep my monster at bay every time they are together. A war is always raging inside of me, but the pain of war is less then the pain which the free monster would bring to the person I love. My monster of envy, anger, depression is unminded and unforgiving you see and it would poison. My monster is hidden...for now, a soldier waiting to be called to war.

I am not who you think I am. Not a shy, sweet, innocent child i am a monster and my time is coming. I am going to break out of these restaraints and then I am coming. Nobody will ever know what triggered the sudden outbreak of the monster within me, not even the one i love who is unknowingly tormenting me through the prize. Some say atleast your love is happy and with that i agree but the fact i don't and can't make my love so is one of the greatest tortures anyone can ever suffer through. I am imprisioned...for now, a prisoner waiting for there punishment. But when it is given, when the gun is fired i am upon you....