May 1927
Blanche,
By now the monster, my true self will have taken over and I will be gone. George Bernard Shaw once wrote:
" there are two tragedies in life, one is gaining your hearts desire and the other is losing it".
I have loved and I have lost, there is nothing left for me now.
My watch ticks.
I sit here under a rainbow - It used to be a thing of magic and wonder. Now I see no good and in fact may even despise the rainbow. The true me is here and I can't hide from it, but I need to.
My watch ticks.
You used to be the light in me, but not anymore. How naive I was back then, thinking that was love. well love doesn't exist. We're brought up with fairy tales, hope, happily ever after, but it never really happens. That illusion has now shattered in my mind.
My watch ticks.
I am in a constant eclipse - all hope, light and life has gone. There is nothing left for me now.
My watch stops ticking.
Friday 25 November 2011
letter 402
12/5/1927 - letter 402
Dear Blanche,
I don't know what's happening to me. I can no longer see the light which used to shine so radiantly out of your eyes - now it is just a distant memory. There are no longer any happy reflections, there instead I see a crow swoop over your face and I want nothing more then to make it go away - but I can't.
The sun is setting and I fear that I must go with it. The moon, it brings the real me alive and I can't control it. It's as though the green and red monster, which eats away at my suffering, bursts out of its cage and takes control of my chest, my mind, my heart. it poisons me, making me feel what no man should feel, what I can't feel.
I am not who you think I am. Not a shy, sweet, innocent child - not anymore. I am a monster and my time is coming. On a dark night with no stars for they, like all things, is repulsed by me. Soon all restraints will be gone and I am coming. I am imprisoned...for now, a prisoner criminal waiting for punishment. But when it is given, when the hammer hits the woodwork, I am gone.
So for now i leave you with Percy Green:
"A man with words and no deeds,
Is like a garden full of weeds,
And when the weeds begin to grow,
It's like a garden full of snow.
And when the snow begins to fall,
It's like a bird upon the wall,
And when the bird away does fly,
It's like an eagle in the sky,
And when the sky begins to roar,
It's like a lion at the door,
And when that door begins to crack,
It's like a stick across your back,
And when your back begins to smart,
It's like a pen knife in your heart,
And when your heart begins to bleed,
You're dead and dead and dead indeed,"
Dear Blanche,
I don't know what's happening to me. I can no longer see the light which used to shine so radiantly out of your eyes - now it is just a distant memory. There are no longer any happy reflections, there instead I see a crow swoop over your face and I want nothing more then to make it go away - but I can't.
The sun is setting and I fear that I must go with it. The moon, it brings the real me alive and I can't control it. It's as though the green and red monster, which eats away at my suffering, bursts out of its cage and takes control of my chest, my mind, my heart. it poisons me, making me feel what no man should feel, what I can't feel.
I am not who you think I am. Not a shy, sweet, innocent child - not anymore. I am a monster and my time is coming. On a dark night with no stars for they, like all things, is repulsed by me. Soon all restraints will be gone and I am coming. I am imprisoned...for now, a prisoner criminal waiting for punishment. But when it is given, when the hammer hits the woodwork, I am gone.
So for now i leave you with Percy Green:
"A man with words and no deeds,
Is like a garden full of weeds,
And when the weeds begin to grow,
It's like a garden full of snow.
And when the snow begins to fall,
It's like a bird upon the wall,
And when the bird away does fly,
It's like an eagle in the sky,
And when the sky begins to roar,
It's like a lion at the door,
And when that door begins to crack,
It's like a stick across your back,
And when your back begins to smart,
It's like a pen knife in your heart,
And when your heart begins to bleed,
You're dead and dead and dead indeed,"
Letter 2
22/6/1925 - letter 2
Dear Blanche - my love, my one, my only,
When I look at you I see everything. You're the most beautiful being I've ever seen, an angel. Your pearl white dress, flowing hair and deep soulful eyes which made it clear that you were different from the moment I saw all those years ago. Then I heard your tuneful voice and smelt your scent of newly budded roses. You were and are, as is expected from an angel, perfection - in every sense of the word. Until I met you I didn't believe perfection to be even close to possible.
Everyday you're there, right next to me, and you're mine. What miracle did I perform to deserve this? to deserve you? I'm not sure about "meant to be" or any of that which I hear and read about, but I know how I feel about you now and that's all that matters. As for now the sky is shining sapphire, the grass pure emerald, as for the sun - it's the hope I have when i look at you - burning brighter and ever brighter.
Henry David Thorear once wrote: "There is no remedy for love, but to love more" and I feel that this is what I shall have to do to you sweetheart, because there is nothing else I could do, for I am a child in comparison with your fine self.
Your sincerely,
The one that loves you x
Dear Blanche - my love, my one, my only,
When I look at you I see everything. You're the most beautiful being I've ever seen, an angel. Your pearl white dress, flowing hair and deep soulful eyes which made it clear that you were different from the moment I saw all those years ago. Then I heard your tuneful voice and smelt your scent of newly budded roses. You were and are, as is expected from an angel, perfection - in every sense of the word. Until I met you I didn't believe perfection to be even close to possible.
Everyday you're there, right next to me, and you're mine. What miracle did I perform to deserve this? to deserve you? I'm not sure about "meant to be" or any of that which I hear and read about, but I know how I feel about you now and that's all that matters. As for now the sky is shining sapphire, the grass pure emerald, as for the sun - it's the hope I have when i look at you - burning brighter and ever brighter.
Henry David Thorear once wrote: "There is no remedy for love, but to love more" and I feel that this is what I shall have to do to you sweetheart, because there is nothing else I could do, for I am a child in comparison with your fine self.
Your sincerely,
The one that loves you x
Letter 1
21/6/1925 - letter 1
Dear Blanche -my love, my one, my only,
When I am with you I am a seed, newly planted. I have been ready and waiting for you for as long as I can remember. The green prospects of hope lay in my shoots. And now you're here, the rain. The glorious rain which I crave and desire. So reflective, yet so transparent. Hydrogen and Oxygen bonded together, unable to part as we are. Now all hope is with you.
With your help I broke out of the ground, shooting for the skies. Knowing you will always be there, keeping me upright, keeping me stable, I couldn't be any stronger. You're here with me when I need you most. When I am with you, I long for your return because I miss you so. You've built me up. prepared me for those days I wait for you. This soil is mine, this sun is mine, this life is mine. Now I've got you - nothing can stop me! I burst out - a bright yellow flower.
Yours Sincerely
yours always x
Dear Blanche -my love, my one, my only,
When I am with you I am a seed, newly planted. I have been ready and waiting for you for as long as I can remember. The green prospects of hope lay in my shoots. And now you're here, the rain. The glorious rain which I crave and desire. So reflective, yet so transparent. Hydrogen and Oxygen bonded together, unable to part as we are. Now all hope is with you.
With your help I broke out of the ground, shooting for the skies. Knowing you will always be there, keeping me upright, keeping me stable, I couldn't be any stronger. You're here with me when I need you most. When I am with you, I long for your return because I miss you so. You've built me up. prepared me for those days I wait for you. This soil is mine, this sun is mine, this life is mine. Now I've got you - nothing can stop me! I burst out - a bright yellow flower.
Yours Sincerely
yours always x
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