"my sky had been grey for 6 months..." a sentence that I wrote about myself 2 years ago. Little did I know that the hidden meaning of this sentence was going to shape my future. The start of the downwards spiral.
What happened? guys, what else. It may have been guilt, loss of what i had unknowingly wanted or lack of gain, but I didn't recover. I made one decision and I become a black whole, dragging misery in. Nothing else existed. It was as though the devil was following me, controlling everything.
I built up walls as a shield around me, but on the rare occasions where they were torn down i disintegrated even more. A mess. The happy childhood light that had used to shine from my eyes had become a flicker and then died leaving only darkness. I was shadow, present in physical form but mentally i was in a world of my own configuration so as to escape from all the tortures which I saw around me. There was very little in my life, the happy endings i saw in films were all i lived for. My life was built around nothing more than that. It was then I realised that that's all I'd ever been, hopeless, scared and alone.
Suddenly life was injected into me. One person dragged me out of that whole of deep despair and saved me from the pain I'd inflicted on myself. Something mattered again. In the words of Peyton Sawyer "their are currently 7,012,496,761 people in the world, and sometimes all you need is one". So to that one person, thank you
Friday 30 December 2011
Friday 16 December 2011
A religous death
Body burnt away,
Not left to decay,
Person dressed and washed,
No stone, just ashes, gosh,
Holy book read,
Now your loved one's dead,
Hope they reunight with God in the sky,
Friends and family come to say goodbye,
Confronts from the holy book,
Now that somes life been took,
Holy hymns are sung,
At the death of a loved on,
Not left to decay,
Person dressed and washed,
No stone, just ashes, gosh,
Holy book read,
Now your loved one's dead,
Hope they reunight with God in the sky,
Friends and family come to say goodbye,
Confronts from the holy book,
Now that somes life been took,
Holy hymns are sung,
At the death of a loved on,
Wednesday 14 December 2011
Winter
here's the second of the two:
Sorrow all around,
As the snow reaches the ground,
People sliding down the road,
Parents with their heavy load,
In the street, children cry,
Happiness, what a lie,
The sky above stays grey,
Just another winters day,
Sorrow all around,
As the snow reaches the ground,
People sliding down the road,
Parents with their heavy load,
In the street, children cry,
Happiness, what a lie,
The sky above stays grey,
Just another winters day,
Her
At my youth group we had a poetry night so the next 2 poems are what I wrote there:
Angel, I saw her there,
One look, one glance, one stair,
Beautiful by definition,
She was on a peaceful mission,
My heart skipped a beat,
The first time I saw you in the street,
As months grew long,
My feelings carried on,
You'd sworn they'd be no other,
Yet one day you found another,
This heart of my reduced to stone,
Now I was left all alone,
I knew still that their could be no other,
And to this day I am not recovered,
Angel, I saw her there,
One look, one glance, one stair,
Beautiful by definition,
She was on a peaceful mission,
My heart skipped a beat,
The first time I saw you in the street,
As months grew long,
My feelings carried on,
You'd sworn they'd be no other,
Yet one day you found another,
This heart of my reduced to stone,
Now I was left all alone,
I knew still that their could be no other,
And to this day I am not recovered,
Friday 25 November 2011
the final letter
May 1927
Blanche,
By now the monster, my true self will have taken over and I will be gone. George Bernard Shaw once wrote:
" there are two tragedies in life, one is gaining your hearts desire and the other is losing it".
I have loved and I have lost, there is nothing left for me now.
My watch ticks.
I sit here under a rainbow - It used to be a thing of magic and wonder. Now I see no good and in fact may even despise the rainbow. The true me is here and I can't hide from it, but I need to.
My watch ticks.
You used to be the light in me, but not anymore. How naive I was back then, thinking that was love. well love doesn't exist. We're brought up with fairy tales, hope, happily ever after, but it never really happens. That illusion has now shattered in my mind.
My watch ticks.
I am in a constant eclipse - all hope, light and life has gone. There is nothing left for me now.
My watch stops ticking.
Blanche,
By now the monster, my true self will have taken over and I will be gone. George Bernard Shaw once wrote:
" there are two tragedies in life, one is gaining your hearts desire and the other is losing it".
I have loved and I have lost, there is nothing left for me now.
My watch ticks.
I sit here under a rainbow - It used to be a thing of magic and wonder. Now I see no good and in fact may even despise the rainbow. The true me is here and I can't hide from it, but I need to.
My watch ticks.
You used to be the light in me, but not anymore. How naive I was back then, thinking that was love. well love doesn't exist. We're brought up with fairy tales, hope, happily ever after, but it never really happens. That illusion has now shattered in my mind.
My watch ticks.
I am in a constant eclipse - all hope, light and life has gone. There is nothing left for me now.
My watch stops ticking.
letter 402
12/5/1927 - letter 402
Dear Blanche,
I don't know what's happening to me. I can no longer see the light which used to shine so radiantly out of your eyes - now it is just a distant memory. There are no longer any happy reflections, there instead I see a crow swoop over your face and I want nothing more then to make it go away - but I can't.
The sun is setting and I fear that I must go with it. The moon, it brings the real me alive and I can't control it. It's as though the green and red monster, which eats away at my suffering, bursts out of its cage and takes control of my chest, my mind, my heart. it poisons me, making me feel what no man should feel, what I can't feel.
I am not who you think I am. Not a shy, sweet, innocent child - not anymore. I am a monster and my time is coming. On a dark night with no stars for they, like all things, is repulsed by me. Soon all restraints will be gone and I am coming. I am imprisoned...for now, a prisoner criminal waiting for punishment. But when it is given, when the hammer hits the woodwork, I am gone.
So for now i leave you with Percy Green:
"A man with words and no deeds,
Is like a garden full of weeds,
And when the weeds begin to grow,
It's like a garden full of snow.
And when the snow begins to fall,
It's like a bird upon the wall,
And when the bird away does fly,
It's like an eagle in the sky,
And when the sky begins to roar,
It's like a lion at the door,
And when that door begins to crack,
It's like a stick across your back,
And when your back begins to smart,
It's like a pen knife in your heart,
And when your heart begins to bleed,
You're dead and dead and dead indeed,"
Dear Blanche,
I don't know what's happening to me. I can no longer see the light which used to shine so radiantly out of your eyes - now it is just a distant memory. There are no longer any happy reflections, there instead I see a crow swoop over your face and I want nothing more then to make it go away - but I can't.
The sun is setting and I fear that I must go with it. The moon, it brings the real me alive and I can't control it. It's as though the green and red monster, which eats away at my suffering, bursts out of its cage and takes control of my chest, my mind, my heart. it poisons me, making me feel what no man should feel, what I can't feel.
I am not who you think I am. Not a shy, sweet, innocent child - not anymore. I am a monster and my time is coming. On a dark night with no stars for they, like all things, is repulsed by me. Soon all restraints will be gone and I am coming. I am imprisoned...for now, a prisoner criminal waiting for punishment. But when it is given, when the hammer hits the woodwork, I am gone.
So for now i leave you with Percy Green:
"A man with words and no deeds,
Is like a garden full of weeds,
And when the weeds begin to grow,
It's like a garden full of snow.
And when the snow begins to fall,
It's like a bird upon the wall,
And when the bird away does fly,
It's like an eagle in the sky,
And when the sky begins to roar,
It's like a lion at the door,
And when that door begins to crack,
It's like a stick across your back,
And when your back begins to smart,
It's like a pen knife in your heart,
And when your heart begins to bleed,
You're dead and dead and dead indeed,"
Letter 2
22/6/1925 - letter 2
Dear Blanche - my love, my one, my only,
When I look at you I see everything. You're the most beautiful being I've ever seen, an angel. Your pearl white dress, flowing hair and deep soulful eyes which made it clear that you were different from the moment I saw all those years ago. Then I heard your tuneful voice and smelt your scent of newly budded roses. You were and are, as is expected from an angel, perfection - in every sense of the word. Until I met you I didn't believe perfection to be even close to possible.
Everyday you're there, right next to me, and you're mine. What miracle did I perform to deserve this? to deserve you? I'm not sure about "meant to be" or any of that which I hear and read about, but I know how I feel about you now and that's all that matters. As for now the sky is shining sapphire, the grass pure emerald, as for the sun - it's the hope I have when i look at you - burning brighter and ever brighter.
Henry David Thorear once wrote: "There is no remedy for love, but to love more" and I feel that this is what I shall have to do to you sweetheart, because there is nothing else I could do, for I am a child in comparison with your fine self.
Your sincerely,
The one that loves you x
Dear Blanche - my love, my one, my only,
When I look at you I see everything. You're the most beautiful being I've ever seen, an angel. Your pearl white dress, flowing hair and deep soulful eyes which made it clear that you were different from the moment I saw all those years ago. Then I heard your tuneful voice and smelt your scent of newly budded roses. You were and are, as is expected from an angel, perfection - in every sense of the word. Until I met you I didn't believe perfection to be even close to possible.
Everyday you're there, right next to me, and you're mine. What miracle did I perform to deserve this? to deserve you? I'm not sure about "meant to be" or any of that which I hear and read about, but I know how I feel about you now and that's all that matters. As for now the sky is shining sapphire, the grass pure emerald, as for the sun - it's the hope I have when i look at you - burning brighter and ever brighter.
Henry David Thorear once wrote: "There is no remedy for love, but to love more" and I feel that this is what I shall have to do to you sweetheart, because there is nothing else I could do, for I am a child in comparison with your fine self.
Your sincerely,
The one that loves you x
Letter 1
21/6/1925 - letter 1
Dear Blanche -my love, my one, my only,
When I am with you I am a seed, newly planted. I have been ready and waiting for you for as long as I can remember. The green prospects of hope lay in my shoots. And now you're here, the rain. The glorious rain which I crave and desire. So reflective, yet so transparent. Hydrogen and Oxygen bonded together, unable to part as we are. Now all hope is with you.
With your help I broke out of the ground, shooting for the skies. Knowing you will always be there, keeping me upright, keeping me stable, I couldn't be any stronger. You're here with me when I need you most. When I am with you, I long for your return because I miss you so. You've built me up. prepared me for those days I wait for you. This soil is mine, this sun is mine, this life is mine. Now I've got you - nothing can stop me! I burst out - a bright yellow flower.
Yours Sincerely
yours always x
Dear Blanche -my love, my one, my only,
When I am with you I am a seed, newly planted. I have been ready and waiting for you for as long as I can remember. The green prospects of hope lay in my shoots. And now you're here, the rain. The glorious rain which I crave and desire. So reflective, yet so transparent. Hydrogen and Oxygen bonded together, unable to part as we are. Now all hope is with you.
With your help I broke out of the ground, shooting for the skies. Knowing you will always be there, keeping me upright, keeping me stable, I couldn't be any stronger. You're here with me when I need you most. When I am with you, I long for your return because I miss you so. You've built me up. prepared me for those days I wait for you. This soil is mine, this sun is mine, this life is mine. Now I've got you - nothing can stop me! I burst out - a bright yellow flower.
Yours Sincerely
yours always x
Friday 7 October 2011
How it was
How it was:
I needed you to know what I felt and the thoughts which went through my head at different times, but I couldn't do it. I got so scared that something I said might hurt you, or scare you or anger you and I didn't and don't want to do any of that and I'm never going to. But you are honestly the strongest person that I've ever met. So you wanted to know what i felt and thought? Well here's an insight.
When you sat next to me, all I want to do was reach out a touch your hand, but i couldn't. They were warm, soft and comforting. On the rare occasions where my hand touched yours something changed inside of me. All of a sudden, regardless of how broken i was or how much pain I was in, it just vanished. For a short time I felt safe, as an overwhelming sense of calm came over me. Sometimes I need to, not that you always knew this so i stayed away. When you said something that hurt me and i felt i might crumble in front of you I'd clench my fists, try to stay strong, but it was difficult. I'd try to stay near you. When I could it meant that the pain of the words coming from your mouth were behind a shield which your touch put around me, protecting my heart temporarily. As soon as you were gone my heart received the full effect of the bullets that had before that point been cushioned, but at least this way you didn't see the effects.
I am a coward. I run when things get to much, so i used to with you. When you hurt me it was different to anyone else. It felt like something had a hold of my chest, making it near impossible for me to breath. I could feel my heart as it turned to lead and a sort of dark emptiness which seemed to be ever tightening around it. I tried to forget you, just until the bullets became memories shut in a chest in my mind, but I never could.
And then I ran. But this is the bravest act of cowardice there is, because it was to protect you and because I came back. I'd make an excuse to leave your side just for a minuet, you never noticed that's what it was and part of me hoped that you never would. Then for a minuet I'd sit with head in hands trying to breath again, occasionally a tear would run down my cheek as i quickly glued myself together. I would build up my strength until I was human again and then I'd go back to you, I always did and always will. I'd return at your side pretending that nothing had happened. The glue holds off most of the pain from then until you left or closed your eyes beside me and then i was in peaces. The glue couldn't hold me together any more. Within seconds I was a mess. My thoughts were all of pain, though my heart didn't care about it. Tears rolled down my face, though my heart didn't notice. My breathing got faster, my heart didn't try to slow it down. As long as you were happy and safe it would didn't matter.
That was a long time ago now. I'm no longer as scared or breakable as i was back then. I can now tell you the things i hid from you for so long if you desire or there's a need for it. I'm afraid my friend that what i hid from you, this and so much more may detest you - but some of it should be said. I am ashamed of what i was back then. I'm sorry for my uncontrollable naivety, my crumbling and everything else.
Yours sincerely your friend x
I needed you to know what I felt and the thoughts which went through my head at different times, but I couldn't do it. I got so scared that something I said might hurt you, or scare you or anger you and I didn't and don't want to do any of that and I'm never going to. But you are honestly the strongest person that I've ever met. So you wanted to know what i felt and thought? Well here's an insight.
When you sat next to me, all I want to do was reach out a touch your hand, but i couldn't. They were warm, soft and comforting. On the rare occasions where my hand touched yours something changed inside of me. All of a sudden, regardless of how broken i was or how much pain I was in, it just vanished. For a short time I felt safe, as an overwhelming sense of calm came over me. Sometimes I need to, not that you always knew this so i stayed away. When you said something that hurt me and i felt i might crumble in front of you I'd clench my fists, try to stay strong, but it was difficult. I'd try to stay near you. When I could it meant that the pain of the words coming from your mouth were behind a shield which your touch put around me, protecting my heart temporarily. As soon as you were gone my heart received the full effect of the bullets that had before that point been cushioned, but at least this way you didn't see the effects.
I am a coward. I run when things get to much, so i used to with you. When you hurt me it was different to anyone else. It felt like something had a hold of my chest, making it near impossible for me to breath. I could feel my heart as it turned to lead and a sort of dark emptiness which seemed to be ever tightening around it. I tried to forget you, just until the bullets became memories shut in a chest in my mind, but I never could.
And then I ran. But this is the bravest act of cowardice there is, because it was to protect you and because I came back. I'd make an excuse to leave your side just for a minuet, you never noticed that's what it was and part of me hoped that you never would. Then for a minuet I'd sit with head in hands trying to breath again, occasionally a tear would run down my cheek as i quickly glued myself together. I would build up my strength until I was human again and then I'd go back to you, I always did and always will. I'd return at your side pretending that nothing had happened. The glue holds off most of the pain from then until you left or closed your eyes beside me and then i was in peaces. The glue couldn't hold me together any more. Within seconds I was a mess. My thoughts were all of pain, though my heart didn't care about it. Tears rolled down my face, though my heart didn't notice. My breathing got faster, my heart didn't try to slow it down. As long as you were happy and safe it would didn't matter.
That was a long time ago now. I'm no longer as scared or breakable as i was back then. I can now tell you the things i hid from you for so long if you desire or there's a need for it. I'm afraid my friend that what i hid from you, this and so much more may detest you - but some of it should be said. I am ashamed of what i was back then. I'm sorry for my uncontrollable naivety, my crumbling and everything else.
Yours sincerely your friend x
A flower without rain
I was a seed, newly planted. Ready and waiting for what was coming. The prospects of hope lay there in my shoots. Along you came, the rain. The glorious rain that i craved and desired. Water, perfect in your complex, simplicity. So gentle, yet powerful. So clear yet so blurred. So reflective and yet so transparent. Hydrogen and oxygen bonded together as one, unable to part, as we were. Now all hope was with you.
With your help I broke out of the ground, shooting for the skies. Knowing you were always there, keeping me upright, keeping me stable, I couldn't have been stronger. You'd be there with me when i needed you most. When i was without you I longed for your return because I missed you so. You built me up, prepared me for those days when I awaited you. This soil was mine, this sun was mine, this life was mine. Nothing could stop me!
But now summer's come, and there is rain no more. You've left me. I long await your return, as ever, but knowing this time that it will not come. The sun that made me squirm because it meant a day without you is now all I have. You know I need both. I was reliant on you, now without you I will surly shrivel into a brown, crisping mass. I will crumble at the slightest touch, no bees, nor butterflies nor other elegant creatures will touch me now. My insides will drain of all you gave me. Then I will die.
Tell me how to bring you close? The thing i need to survive. Save me as you always do and allow me to grow and bloom as i used to. Take my sole of lead and turn it back into feather, take my leaking eyes and turn them back into diamonds, then take my heart of glass and turn it back into rhythm. Place your reflection inside of me where it belongs, and leave it there forever.
With your help I broke out of the ground, shooting for the skies. Knowing you were always there, keeping me upright, keeping me stable, I couldn't have been stronger. You'd be there with me when i needed you most. When i was without you I longed for your return because I missed you so. You built me up, prepared me for those days when I awaited you. This soil was mine, this sun was mine, this life was mine. Nothing could stop me!
But now summer's come, and there is rain no more. You've left me. I long await your return, as ever, but knowing this time that it will not come. The sun that made me squirm because it meant a day without you is now all I have. You know I need both. I was reliant on you, now without you I will surly shrivel into a brown, crisping mass. I will crumble at the slightest touch, no bees, nor butterflies nor other elegant creatures will touch me now. My insides will drain of all you gave me. Then I will die.
Tell me how to bring you close? The thing i need to survive. Save me as you always do and allow me to grow and bloom as i used to. Take my sole of lead and turn it back into feather, take my leaking eyes and turn them back into diamonds, then take my heart of glass and turn it back into rhythm. Place your reflection inside of me where it belongs, and leave it there forever.
Monday 26 September 2011
world restored
It was a lovely summers day, three teenagers were walking through a forest with large oak and Burch trees all around them. Rays of hope shone down through the leaves and caught on there elegant faces. Twigs broke lightly under there feet as they walked. Singing birds announced there presents, as though they were royalty. All in all a happy summers day on appearance.
Of the teenagers there were two girls, Karis and Rose, both with flowing hair that reached just below their shoulders that blew in the slight breeze. The boy, James, towered above them and had his hand comfortably in Karis', his blue eyes glancing over at her every few seconds checking for her approval. Rose's emerald green eyes were fixated on the ground in front of her feet as if it held the answer to everything within its leaves. She walked glumly behind Karis and James so as to not interrupt and feeling that by seeing Karis there in front of her, although with someone else, she was still in her world and not just a ghost from some distant memory.
Rose's heart pounded against her chest, you could see it in the darkness that lay within her bodies windows. Her left hand was clutched inside her pocket as though the tighter she squeezed it the less pain she would feel. Her right was half closed and placed over her heart, feeling its beat against her chest, checking it was still beating, still working, still intact.
Just as James pulled karis in close with his arm now firmly around her waist, Rose broke. Peaces lay on the floor around her. She exploded! Not knowing what to do she barged between the two in front, breaking them as far apart as she could manage and stormed into the depth of the forest. Nothing mattered to her now, the only thing that did was gone. If she never found a way out of here, if she died here then it would be far to pleasant an end, not painful or satisfactory enough to match the pain inside her. The gloom was all around her, but she did not care.
It had been less than five minuets in that depressing existence when Rose heard a voice, the one voice which could make her look back, see reason. This voice belonged to Karis.
"Rose, Rose stop!"
Rose stopped in her tracks as soon as she heard it. Karis, having found her and only a few feet away mimicked her motion.
"Rose, come back" she whispered desperately "come back."
"you shouldn't have done that" Rose turned and faced her best friend and staring into her shining brown eyes found she could contain herself no longer. She walked up to Karis and sealed her lips in a tight embrace. Not daring to let go, for fear of what may happen next Rose placed her left arm around her friends neck keeping her as close as possible so as to mend and find hope again. Karis kissed her back with such a passion it was as though she had been freed.
After what seemed to the pair like it could have been hours and yet only seconds at the same time they broke apart. The two stared adamantly at each other, now seeing the reflection of there own desires in the other they refused to step away from each other. It was as though in this moment that they had to remain close and touching at all times, or else the world would end. The sun lit across their beaming faces as they both answered the unasked question with another kiss.
Of the teenagers there were two girls, Karis and Rose, both with flowing hair that reached just below their shoulders that blew in the slight breeze. The boy, James, towered above them and had his hand comfortably in Karis', his blue eyes glancing over at her every few seconds checking for her approval. Rose's emerald green eyes were fixated on the ground in front of her feet as if it held the answer to everything within its leaves. She walked glumly behind Karis and James so as to not interrupt and feeling that by seeing Karis there in front of her, although with someone else, she was still in her world and not just a ghost from some distant memory.
Rose's heart pounded against her chest, you could see it in the darkness that lay within her bodies windows. Her left hand was clutched inside her pocket as though the tighter she squeezed it the less pain she would feel. Her right was half closed and placed over her heart, feeling its beat against her chest, checking it was still beating, still working, still intact.
Just as James pulled karis in close with his arm now firmly around her waist, Rose broke. Peaces lay on the floor around her. She exploded! Not knowing what to do she barged between the two in front, breaking them as far apart as she could manage and stormed into the depth of the forest. Nothing mattered to her now, the only thing that did was gone. If she never found a way out of here, if she died here then it would be far to pleasant an end, not painful or satisfactory enough to match the pain inside her. The gloom was all around her, but she did not care.
It had been less than five minuets in that depressing existence when Rose heard a voice, the one voice which could make her look back, see reason. This voice belonged to Karis.
"Rose, Rose stop!"
Rose stopped in her tracks as soon as she heard it. Karis, having found her and only a few feet away mimicked her motion.
"Rose, come back" she whispered desperately "come back."
"you shouldn't have done that" Rose turned and faced her best friend and staring into her shining brown eyes found she could contain herself no longer. She walked up to Karis and sealed her lips in a tight embrace. Not daring to let go, for fear of what may happen next Rose placed her left arm around her friends neck keeping her as close as possible so as to mend and find hope again. Karis kissed her back with such a passion it was as though she had been freed.
After what seemed to the pair like it could have been hours and yet only seconds at the same time they broke apart. The two stared adamantly at each other, now seeing the reflection of there own desires in the other they refused to step away from each other. It was as though in this moment that they had to remain close and touching at all times, or else the world would end. The sun lit across their beaming faces as they both answered the unasked question with another kiss.
Thursday 22 September 2011
a misserable friend
And then i saw her, everything changed. The light which the night before had shone so radiantly out of her eyes the day before was now nothing more than a distant memory. Now there was a river, in its place, but one with no happy reflections. A crow swooped over her face as I looked into her grieving eyes and wanted nothing more than to bring the life back into them.
Mist lay over the cause for this change as though a cloud had sunk in unison with the heart of her. Though a mask was over her face, there was evidence of her missing peaces on the ground around her; a corner with a blue sky, an edge with a friends smile, and some peaces from the middle with familiar faces. Entries into that bubble, that world of hers were often quickly banished when in this state and who could tell who that would be. So i am in the waiting room, peering through a window until a moment where i might be permitted entry.
I wanted her to be lifted up, as if a puppet, and more than anything i wished to be the one supporting the strings, but anything for the warmth to return with the spring alongside it would have pleased me plenty as it was.
The clock ticked on and still there was no change. It was like she in a comma, you could see her but nothing could be said or done to awaken her. A hug was no more than the wind, words of love were another language, hope - well that was a forgotten dream. All i desired was for an awakening. tick tock. It did not come. Tick tock. It did not come. Tick tock. It did not come.
Awaken my friend, because i miss you. Have hope my friend, because the tunnel is ending. Smile my friend, because i love you x
Mist lay over the cause for this change as though a cloud had sunk in unison with the heart of her. Though a mask was over her face, there was evidence of her missing peaces on the ground around her; a corner with a blue sky, an edge with a friends smile, and some peaces from the middle with familiar faces. Entries into that bubble, that world of hers were often quickly banished when in this state and who could tell who that would be. So i am in the waiting room, peering through a window until a moment where i might be permitted entry.
I wanted her to be lifted up, as if a puppet, and more than anything i wished to be the one supporting the strings, but anything for the warmth to return with the spring alongside it would have pleased me plenty as it was.
The clock ticked on and still there was no change. It was like she in a comma, you could see her but nothing could be said or done to awaken her. A hug was no more than the wind, words of love were another language, hope - well that was a forgotten dream. All i desired was for an awakening. tick tock. It did not come. Tick tock. It did not come. Tick tock. It did not come.
Awaken my friend, because i miss you. Have hope my friend, because the tunnel is ending. Smile my friend, because i love you x
Thursday 15 September 2011
hope and loss
I give up. This whole life, this whole system is a load of lies. We're brought up with fairy tales, hope and believing in happily ever after, but that never really happens. It's just something which gets fed to the young mind to preserve there innocents, but what's the point? All it means is that when that day comes, that day when the illusion is shattered, your falling off the top of the empire state building instead of just an office block. So why protect them?
One day nothing can make you happier then the life your living and how you spend your time. You sit there wondering how you got so lucky, because you don't deserve this, hell nobody does. Every morning there's a smile because of the rising sun and every night the prospects of the next day linger in your imagination as you fade off into closed eyed fantasy. There may be only desire for one thing, the reason your here, but that's already yours so you hold on, not daring to loosen your grip in case it fades into the awaiting emptiness of the sky above. No man alive could see you without feeling the glow and warmth radiating from you that only those who posses true happiness and nothing else can ever bestow.
However, the next day lightening strikes and your world, life, hopes are nothing more than a distant memory, a passing cloud. Now the rising sun brings you no more than a rude awaking as well as a day symmetrical to the last. Each night the darkness draws a curtain around the grey so the black and red attack you instead from both inside and out. What were once dreams filled with hope have vanished as all hope within you has disintegrated without a trace, now only the screams and evils remain. That desire you once had, that had been keeping you breathing slipped out of the tightness of your grasp as the winds blew to strong and it became no more than a spec in the distant, darkening sky.
People look at you, wondering. What torment in life could have caused any man, child or creature to become such a state. The rats are repulsed by you, the flowers shrivel in your presents, children cry at the sight of you. The radiating stays however, though now that glow which was once around you is a clouded shield which few can ever enter. You fall, you burn, you drown - you're gone.
One day nothing can make you happier then the life your living and how you spend your time. You sit there wondering how you got so lucky, because you don't deserve this, hell nobody does. Every morning there's a smile because of the rising sun and every night the prospects of the next day linger in your imagination as you fade off into closed eyed fantasy. There may be only desire for one thing, the reason your here, but that's already yours so you hold on, not daring to loosen your grip in case it fades into the awaiting emptiness of the sky above. No man alive could see you without feeling the glow and warmth radiating from you that only those who posses true happiness and nothing else can ever bestow.
However, the next day lightening strikes and your world, life, hopes are nothing more than a distant memory, a passing cloud. Now the rising sun brings you no more than a rude awaking as well as a day symmetrical to the last. Each night the darkness draws a curtain around the grey so the black and red attack you instead from both inside and out. What were once dreams filled with hope have vanished as all hope within you has disintegrated without a trace, now only the screams and evils remain. That desire you once had, that had been keeping you breathing slipped out of the tightness of your grasp as the winds blew to strong and it became no more than a spec in the distant, darkening sky.
People look at you, wondering. What torment in life could have caused any man, child or creature to become such a state. The rats are repulsed by you, the flowers shrivel in your presents, children cry at the sight of you. The radiating stays however, though now that glow which was once around you is a clouded shield which few can ever enter. You fall, you burn, you drown - you're gone.
Monday 22 August 2011
you are
you are
my sun,
my world,
my everything,
a day is not a day,
nor a night a night
without your presence,
and if this shower of stars above,
does not also rain down upon you,
then the endless darkness is for me,
my sun,
my world,
my everything,
a day is not a day,
nor a night a night
without your presence,
and if this shower of stars above,
does not also rain down upon you,
then the endless darkness is for me,
happiness is a mood
"happiness is not a destination it's a mood"
if hope is just a mood like hunger, anger and sorrow then why is it separated from all the others? Everything we dream about and want in life is because we are under the impression that it will bring us happiness, but won't small things which we take for granted do that to? the things we forget to dream about because there always going to be there? like the sunrise, the stars on a clear night and a baby smiling?
why do we even set up the thoughts in our heads of dreams which we hope will come true, the ones we know i never going to happen, why do we keep putting ourselves through the longing for them with happiness as our destination when the on going disappointments of waiting for that day would make it hardly worth it if that day came around anyways.
Someday, someday is the day where we will all be happy and have everything which we have patiently desired throughout our entire lives. It's a place of dreams, the place we hold out for or define as heaven. I think that really we all hold out for someday because then we have something to believe in, like if we achieve something in our life which is from the world of someday or maybe just something we worked hard for then we get happiness, but not just that we get all of it - everything we wanted.
People are wrong, happiness should just be a mood so that life was simpler. And happiness isn't having the perfect life its about smile and being brave in the face of all the negative things
if hope is just a mood like hunger, anger and sorrow then why is it separated from all the others? Everything we dream about and want in life is because we are under the impression that it will bring us happiness, but won't small things which we take for granted do that to? the things we forget to dream about because there always going to be there? like the sunrise, the stars on a clear night and a baby smiling?
why do we even set up the thoughts in our heads of dreams which we hope will come true, the ones we know i never going to happen, why do we keep putting ourselves through the longing for them with happiness as our destination when the on going disappointments of waiting for that day would make it hardly worth it if that day came around anyways.
Someday, someday is the day where we will all be happy and have everything which we have patiently desired throughout our entire lives. It's a place of dreams, the place we hold out for or define as heaven. I think that really we all hold out for someday because then we have something to believe in, like if we achieve something in our life which is from the world of someday or maybe just something we worked hard for then we get happiness, but not just that we get all of it - everything we wanted.
People are wrong, happiness should just be a mood so that life was simpler. And happiness isn't having the perfect life its about smile and being brave in the face of all the negative things
Wednesday 10 August 2011
the angel
The sky was grey and cloudy and had been that way for months, all through the summer and the autumn which followed. The sun which had once shone over the world had long since mysteriously vanished. The trees which had once sung in the gentle breeze now hissed in a crushing wind. tweeting birds used to bring a smile over every face as they awoke each morning. However now it was just the squawking of crows from the crack of dawn until long after dusk. Sleep was limited, food only consumed when essential and even once loved activities were now rarely participated in.
Until one night that is, when the dark, starless sky was suddenly alight. Something shot across the engulfing black. It was bright and stood out like a ship on the horizon. The light landed on an hill and the most beautiful being appeared from its landing place, an angel. Her pearl white dress, flowing hair and deep soulful eyes made it clear that she was different - that is if they hadn't heard her voice, or the tales about her previously. She was, as you'd expect from an angel, the definition of perfection.
The angel had come from heaven to earth in order to restore the town to its former glory. Of coarse after the night when she landed, the birds sang again, the birds tweeted again and the towns people slept and ate again. There was no explanation for the magic that the angel cast upon the land but from the moment she arrived the town was instantaneously transformed into the beautiful place that it had been previously.
That angel, the angel remained in the town forever in all her glory never dared to leave the town again because without her the town may yet again fall into darkness, and this time may not make it out. So with the angel strongly there forever there was hope once more.
Until one night that is, when the dark, starless sky was suddenly alight. Something shot across the engulfing black. It was bright and stood out like a ship on the horizon. The light landed on an hill and the most beautiful being appeared from its landing place, an angel. Her pearl white dress, flowing hair and deep soulful eyes made it clear that she was different - that is if they hadn't heard her voice, or the tales about her previously. She was, as you'd expect from an angel, the definition of perfection.
The angel had come from heaven to earth in order to restore the town to its former glory. Of coarse after the night when she landed, the birds sang again, the birds tweeted again and the towns people slept and ate again. There was no explanation for the magic that the angel cast upon the land but from the moment she arrived the town was instantaneously transformed into the beautiful place that it had been previously.
That angel, the angel remained in the town forever in all her glory never dared to leave the town again because without her the town may yet again fall into darkness, and this time may not make it out. So with the angel strongly there forever there was hope once more.
Sunday 17 July 2011
The break down
Can you feel it when your heart breaks? I mean physically feel it in your chest, as your heart shatters into tiny shards all of which are barely visible and are insignificant. Well i know that you can.
Hardly anything at all can cause your heart an injury, just a decision, a sentence or the expression in a pair of gorgeous eyes is all it takes. Once that first chip appears, and your unable to free yourself from the powerful love which is keeping you rooted where you are, you become fragile, delicate, the slightest nudge could break you. That small chip which hurt you and seemed to become faded is just the start, because it grows. It starts as a chip but that grows into a cut which becomes a crack and then your heart falls to peaces.
When your heart falls you can feel it inside you, though the rest of your insides are empty. It aches in your chest, and you can feel every tiny peace still beating inside you, doing its best to keep you alive. Except your not sure if you want to be anymore. And there's a darkness that has a hold of your chest squeezing it tighter and tighter and you feel like you have to run, to escape or else you will surely suffocate, so that's what you do. You find an excuse, any excuse you can to get away, for just 5minuets so you can breath and prolong the pain, if only for a short time its worth it so it remains hidden, a secret.
And that's it. Expecting another few paragraphs? a sign of hope? something more? Well this is it, a sudden end. In a way its like love or heartbreak, sudden. So I'm sorry, it's over now. This is the end.
Hardly anything at all can cause your heart an injury, just a decision, a sentence or the expression in a pair of gorgeous eyes is all it takes. Once that first chip appears, and your unable to free yourself from the powerful love which is keeping you rooted where you are, you become fragile, delicate, the slightest nudge could break you. That small chip which hurt you and seemed to become faded is just the start, because it grows. It starts as a chip but that grows into a cut which becomes a crack and then your heart falls to peaces.
When your heart falls you can feel it inside you, though the rest of your insides are empty. It aches in your chest, and you can feel every tiny peace still beating inside you, doing its best to keep you alive. Except your not sure if you want to be anymore. And there's a darkness that has a hold of your chest squeezing it tighter and tighter and you feel like you have to run, to escape or else you will surely suffocate, so that's what you do. You find an excuse, any excuse you can to get away, for just 5minuets so you can breath and prolong the pain, if only for a short time its worth it so it remains hidden, a secret.
And that's it. Expecting another few paragraphs? a sign of hope? something more? Well this is it, a sudden end. In a way its like love or heartbreak, sudden. So I'm sorry, it's over now. This is the end.
Thursday 7 July 2011
I and you
I want to hold your hand,
In the dead of the night,
I want to dance with you,
In the middle of the street,
I want to run a mile in the rain,
Just to see you for 5minuets,
I never loved,
Until i kissed your gentle face,
I never hurt,
Until I could be with you no longer,
I never cried,
Until you loved another,
no one else matters, in comparison with you,
so know that my heart, will always be with you,
In the dead of the night,
I want to dance with you,
In the middle of the street,
I want to run a mile in the rain,
Just to see you for 5minuets,
I never loved,
Until i kissed your gentle face,
I never hurt,
Until I could be with you no longer,
I never cried,
Until you loved another,
no one else matters, in comparison with you,
so know that my heart, will always be with you,
Wednesday 22 June 2011
The wounds
I'm only human. We can all break or shatter.The events in our past make our present and our future through the decisions which we make. Mine, has made me more breakable than most. Someone that matters to me can hurt me with there actions in a minuet, two words or even just the tone of there voice. That's all it takes for me to fall down, a broken vase.
But there's something you should know. I am fragile yes so I can be easily broken, but because of that when I face the same thing again I am easier to rebuild. It takes a mere week, maybe only a few days to mend where the first time it may have taken months for me to grow back in to what I was before hand. Though I'm like a child, I can't do it alone, I'm not strong enough. I need someone to help me find and place the peaces of my puzzle, or else i will get worse. The wound which only needed a few hugs, a talk and some loving attention will become infected by the suffering of feeling being unwanted.
You were never meant to know that you hurt me the way you do. You should have never seen the cuts, the bruises and the scars which I get from you, because it worries and scares you that you can do this to me and so easily. Though you shouldn't. These wounds are so easily heeled that you don't need knowledge of them for them to become just marks from the past. Just one hour with you can makes the cuts become light scratches on the skin and the bruises disappear altogether. But you know me to well. You are protective of me as we both know, so every 20 minuets or so that I am with you I get checked for signs of damage. Anything that wasn't there before, a change in mood or a different look in my eyes gets noticed, noted and questioned. So you realise when something has hurt me.
I don't mind that I get hurt being with you. With the amount of time we spend together it was inevitable and I wouldn't change that for the world. Though I know you try your best, you can't always sensor what you do or say and I get hurt. When you hurt me it goes straight to the heart and will stay there until it stops hurting because you've heeled it, weather or not you know you are. It then moves from my heart to my brain where I continue to over analysis it but now it is now joined with the the thoughts of how you made it better until the strength of this heeling that you gave me overcomes any moments which you let your guard down and it is gone.
In reading this you may worry, well please don't. You are the silver lining on a cloud. I know you never mean to hurt me, and i wouldn't ever want to prevent you from following your heart because of me. Seeing you happy and with someone else is much better than seeing you lifeless from protecting me. Your happiness means more to me than anything else ever does, so crack a smile and stop worrying. The little moments of misguided thought that hurts me I can deal with, I've had the practice, but I can't deal with you being forced into a bank volt worrying about touching the beams, I don't want to do that to you. So just relax and be you. I'll be ok, I promise.
As hard as you try you can never protect me from everything, though I love that you try. You were worried that this was because you try to protect me so much that you just don't see someone coming to hurt me. No, that's not it. Your just not a super hero, though it's fair to say you're mine with all that you do for me. You can't control other people so they are going to keep firing bullets at my heart and some will get through that shield which you put up around me. But I don't worry about those that do because I know that you will always be there to heal it afterwards. In fact at one point when I got hurt I saw the good side, that yes I was in a lot of pain and you were worried but at least I got to be close to you while you made the world better again.
I'm scared, one day you won't be here anymore and my best medicine will be gone. You say there will be someone in your place but you are truly irreplaceable. Someone may come along one day and protect me and heal me also, but nobody will ever do it in the same way as you do because you're special. I don't like the idea of someone else heeling me, that means you won't be here anymore and I don't want that. Where will you be? Will I even be remembered? The one that's spent so long tending me when I'm in pain, and I hope that I do the same to you. We've been through more than just a lot together in such a short space of time, that most people never have to face in a life time. We stood in the face of everything hand in hand, side by side and ready for the war and every time we got out alive. I can't leave you. I can't forget you. I can't release you. And I won't. You're mine forever.
But there's something you should know. I am fragile yes so I can be easily broken, but because of that when I face the same thing again I am easier to rebuild. It takes a mere week, maybe only a few days to mend where the first time it may have taken months for me to grow back in to what I was before hand. Though I'm like a child, I can't do it alone, I'm not strong enough. I need someone to help me find and place the peaces of my puzzle, or else i will get worse. The wound which only needed a few hugs, a talk and some loving attention will become infected by the suffering of feeling being unwanted.
You were never meant to know that you hurt me the way you do. You should have never seen the cuts, the bruises and the scars which I get from you, because it worries and scares you that you can do this to me and so easily. Though you shouldn't. These wounds are so easily heeled that you don't need knowledge of them for them to become just marks from the past. Just one hour with you can makes the cuts become light scratches on the skin and the bruises disappear altogether. But you know me to well. You are protective of me as we both know, so every 20 minuets or so that I am with you I get checked for signs of damage. Anything that wasn't there before, a change in mood or a different look in my eyes gets noticed, noted and questioned. So you realise when something has hurt me.
I don't mind that I get hurt being with you. With the amount of time we spend together it was inevitable and I wouldn't change that for the world. Though I know you try your best, you can't always sensor what you do or say and I get hurt. When you hurt me it goes straight to the heart and will stay there until it stops hurting because you've heeled it, weather or not you know you are. It then moves from my heart to my brain where I continue to over analysis it but now it is now joined with the the thoughts of how you made it better until the strength of this heeling that you gave me overcomes any moments which you let your guard down and it is gone.
In reading this you may worry, well please don't. You are the silver lining on a cloud. I know you never mean to hurt me, and i wouldn't ever want to prevent you from following your heart because of me. Seeing you happy and with someone else is much better than seeing you lifeless from protecting me. Your happiness means more to me than anything else ever does, so crack a smile and stop worrying. The little moments of misguided thought that hurts me I can deal with, I've had the practice, but I can't deal with you being forced into a bank volt worrying about touching the beams, I don't want to do that to you. So just relax and be you. I'll be ok, I promise.
As hard as you try you can never protect me from everything, though I love that you try. You were worried that this was because you try to protect me so much that you just don't see someone coming to hurt me. No, that's not it. Your just not a super hero, though it's fair to say you're mine with all that you do for me. You can't control other people so they are going to keep firing bullets at my heart and some will get through that shield which you put up around me. But I don't worry about those that do because I know that you will always be there to heal it afterwards. In fact at one point when I got hurt I saw the good side, that yes I was in a lot of pain and you were worried but at least I got to be close to you while you made the world better again.
I'm scared, one day you won't be here anymore and my best medicine will be gone. You say there will be someone in your place but you are truly irreplaceable. Someone may come along one day and protect me and heal me also, but nobody will ever do it in the same way as you do because you're special. I don't like the idea of someone else heeling me, that means you won't be here anymore and I don't want that. Where will you be? Will I even be remembered? The one that's spent so long tending me when I'm in pain, and I hope that I do the same to you. We've been through more than just a lot together in such a short space of time, that most people never have to face in a life time. We stood in the face of everything hand in hand, side by side and ready for the war and every time we got out alive. I can't leave you. I can't forget you. I can't release you. And I won't. You're mine forever.
Friday 17 June 2011
What you really are
To My best friend, this blog is in response to your one called 'One Day' because it was to long to comment.
One day I will realise how everything you warned me about you is the opposite of the true you because any person who tells you that you are even close to how you see yourself so is either lying due to anger or has no idea who you really are but are jealous of what they see.
Yes, my best friend I have let my defences down with you but, I don't regret that and never will. Although I know you are a tremendous actress I think its also fair to say that I have also seen you when you weren't acting and i still didn't see the monster which you speak of. I love you for who you are, believe that it's good enough.
You may be young, we both are but you've faced a lot of things that many people never have to face in a life time let alone by the age of 16. That makes you one of the strongest person i know. And mentally you are very wise and way over 16. Despite what you think there is not a trace of evil within you, there is good and bad like in all people but nothing more than that and there never can be because you are above that and are much to good a person.
I've heard what people don't like about you, but those people haven't ever taken the time to get to know you and see what me and all the others who are lucky enough to get close to you have. And the fact that the one exception to this regrets her mistakes after just remembering the true you proves that. There was one day where a slight part of my mind doubted you and that day we had one of the only two fights we've had and i hated it and i hated myself for it and for ever having any doubt of you because It was so wrong of me to lose even the smallest amount of faith in you for just a second. We're never going back to a day like that again.
I will leave you, because as you've probably realised I tend to hang onto people who were once my close friends and i hold on to them for a very long time. We may not be as close as we are now forever but I will never hate you and you have my word on that. So you better prepare yourself because you're stuck with my annoying arse forever.
The things which I love about you I will love forever and I shall never think of you when I think of my stupidity. Being friends with you is one of the smartest things I've ever done and where would I be without you? because the thought of that and the fact after 2 years we won't be together any more scares me more than almost anything else. I know what I see in you and I will always remember you, my best friend. And if you change, well then I guess you'll have to deal with me changing alongside you.
One day you will realise you are not a monster and that it's what your friends think of you that is who you really are.
From your forever friend xx
One day I will realise how everything you warned me about you is the opposite of the true you because any person who tells you that you are even close to how you see yourself so is either lying due to anger or has no idea who you really are but are jealous of what they see.
Yes, my best friend I have let my defences down with you but, I don't regret that and never will. Although I know you are a tremendous actress I think its also fair to say that I have also seen you when you weren't acting and i still didn't see the monster which you speak of. I love you for who you are, believe that it's good enough.
You may be young, we both are but you've faced a lot of things that many people never have to face in a life time let alone by the age of 16. That makes you one of the strongest person i know. And mentally you are very wise and way over 16. Despite what you think there is not a trace of evil within you, there is good and bad like in all people but nothing more than that and there never can be because you are above that and are much to good a person.
I've heard what people don't like about you, but those people haven't ever taken the time to get to know you and see what me and all the others who are lucky enough to get close to you have. And the fact that the one exception to this regrets her mistakes after just remembering the true you proves that. There was one day where a slight part of my mind doubted you and that day we had one of the only two fights we've had and i hated it and i hated myself for it and for ever having any doubt of you because It was so wrong of me to lose even the smallest amount of faith in you for just a second. We're never going back to a day like that again.
I will leave you, because as you've probably realised I tend to hang onto people who were once my close friends and i hold on to them for a very long time. We may not be as close as we are now forever but I will never hate you and you have my word on that. So you better prepare yourself because you're stuck with my annoying arse forever.
The things which I love about you I will love forever and I shall never think of you when I think of my stupidity. Being friends with you is one of the smartest things I've ever done and where would I be without you? because the thought of that and the fact after 2 years we won't be together any more scares me more than almost anything else. I know what I see in you and I will always remember you, my best friend. And if you change, well then I guess you'll have to deal with me changing alongside you.
One day you will realise you are not a monster and that it's what your friends think of you that is who you really are.
From your forever friend xx
Wednesday 15 June 2011
it could happen to you
When you're scared, what do you do? When fear strikes into the depth of your heart and it feels like nothing will ever be the same again what can you do?
Its happened the thing which you've been dreading for your entire life, yet never really thought it would happen to you. You are to innocent, to ugly, to different for a pedophile or a psycho to blackmail you. But it has to happen to somebody, so why not you? You don't realise it, and i didn't either until recently, that when you don't expect it something or someone can change or effect your life forever but sometimes its not in a good way. You can meet someone for the first time and instantly know that you want to be with them or that you'll be great friends, but you can also meet someone and not see the down side, who they really are. So be careful with new people, believe me it will save you a lot of hassle.
But when it happens to do what can you do? You feel alone and separate from the rest of the world because nobody has ever been thought this before so who can you turn to. Your heart starts pounding in your chest because you're in trouble and you know it but you can't see a way out or any chance of a happy ending. All you want to do is run, escape and go to somewhere safe and free away from all of this but you know that you have to come back sometime and face it all again so you can't. The thoughts that rush through your head at the moment you think you've lost the battle is indescribable. Home, is the last place in the world you want to be or ever want to be again, but you don't want to be around people and have to act and pretend that you're okay. You don't want to go through this any longer, you don't want to hurt or suffer or think any more. You would rather die than keep going on with the world knowing the mistakes you made.
But sometimes you get lucky. Sometimes, if you are won of the luckiest people on this planet somebody will help you. The world will never find out the mistakes you made and you won't have to face it all anymore because somebody is fighting the battle along with you and protecting you at all costs. If you have a parent, a partner or a great friend who does this for you make sure you know how grateful you are to them ever single day because they deserve it for saving you.
Nothing will ever be the same again, or for a while. Weather you lost the battle or were saved by someone you care about you don't feel the same. You're still in shock and getting your head around it for weeks. There are several things which you don't think you can do anymore in fear that history might repeat itself, so you are very careful. But i promise you this, whatever happens it gets better so don't be afraid.
Its happened the thing which you've been dreading for your entire life, yet never really thought it would happen to you. You are to innocent, to ugly, to different for a pedophile or a psycho to blackmail you. But it has to happen to somebody, so why not you? You don't realise it, and i didn't either until recently, that when you don't expect it something or someone can change or effect your life forever but sometimes its not in a good way. You can meet someone for the first time and instantly know that you want to be with them or that you'll be great friends, but you can also meet someone and not see the down side, who they really are. So be careful with new people, believe me it will save you a lot of hassle.
But when it happens to do what can you do? You feel alone and separate from the rest of the world because nobody has ever been thought this before so who can you turn to. Your heart starts pounding in your chest because you're in trouble and you know it but you can't see a way out or any chance of a happy ending. All you want to do is run, escape and go to somewhere safe and free away from all of this but you know that you have to come back sometime and face it all again so you can't. The thoughts that rush through your head at the moment you think you've lost the battle is indescribable. Home, is the last place in the world you want to be or ever want to be again, but you don't want to be around people and have to act and pretend that you're okay. You don't want to go through this any longer, you don't want to hurt or suffer or think any more. You would rather die than keep going on with the world knowing the mistakes you made.
But sometimes you get lucky. Sometimes, if you are won of the luckiest people on this planet somebody will help you. The world will never find out the mistakes you made and you won't have to face it all anymore because somebody is fighting the battle along with you and protecting you at all costs. If you have a parent, a partner or a great friend who does this for you make sure you know how grateful you are to them ever single day because they deserve it for saving you.
Nothing will ever be the same again, or for a while. Weather you lost the battle or were saved by someone you care about you don't feel the same. You're still in shock and getting your head around it for weeks. There are several things which you don't think you can do anymore in fear that history might repeat itself, so you are very careful. But i promise you this, whatever happens it gets better so don't be afraid.
Monday 13 June 2011
The changes of us
You're there, right next to me, and your mine. What miracle did I perform to deserve this. After all this time, all my waiting, all my longing and at last we'd become us. No longer did I have to love being with you, but suffer through it. That all seems silly now, when i'm lying here in your arms, but i remember it so clearly its as though that those dark, miserable times only ended this morning. Every night, when i sleep, the memories are there, tormenting me.
I would be near you all the time, but i could not touch you or even get within a foot of you for fear you might find it strange. I could make you laugh, but when you were down there was never anything i could do to make you smile, and your stubbornness didn't help the matter, and it was killing me. Like a slow torture eating away at my insides day after day, but i couldn't show it, I could never let you see the pain you were putting me through because i knew it would hurt you and the last thing that I've ever wanted was to hurt you. I swear I've never wanted anything more in my life then to be with you. Honestly from deep within my heart I have know idea how I of all people managed to see you day after day and not kiss you or tell you, show you how i much I did, and still, do care for you.
Thank goodness I don't have to restrain myself any longer, because we're together now. I'm not sure about "meant to be" or any of that which we hear and read about but I do know how I feel about you. I never want to leave you, or hurt you and you are the only thing that matters to me because without you I am nothing and I mean nothing. Hundreds may have said this to you before I did, and meant it as I do, but I promise you with me it's different. With the way I feel about you there's no going back because I'm in forever. And I love you.
I would be near you all the time, but i could not touch you or even get within a foot of you for fear you might find it strange. I could make you laugh, but when you were down there was never anything i could do to make you smile, and your stubbornness didn't help the matter, and it was killing me. Like a slow torture eating away at my insides day after day, but i couldn't show it, I could never let you see the pain you were putting me through because i knew it would hurt you and the last thing that I've ever wanted was to hurt you. I swear I've never wanted anything more in my life then to be with you. Honestly from deep within my heart I have know idea how I of all people managed to see you day after day and not kiss you or tell you, show you how i much I did, and still, do care for you.
Thank goodness I don't have to restrain myself any longer, because we're together now. I'm not sure about "meant to be" or any of that which we hear and read about but I do know how I feel about you. I never want to leave you, or hurt you and you are the only thing that matters to me because without you I am nothing and I mean nothing. Hundreds may have said this to you before I did, and meant it as I do, but I promise you with me it's different. With the way I feel about you there's no going back because I'm in forever. And I love you.
Saturday 11 June 2011
How you saw me
How can you see me the way you do? You think that I'm crazy, smart, pretty and everything else, but I'm not any of these things, I'm not even close. Crazy, that's just an act so people don't see the true crying, angry monster within me. Smart, maybe i give that impression but i can't be to smart as I'd risk it all for you - my family, my exams, my future. And as for being pretty, i have no idea how you ever managed to draw that conclusion because I am the opposite inside and out.
You once told me that i was like a god and that I should have statue. I smiled when you said so, knowing you were teasing me but knowing that cared. I never deserved to be thought of as being so important. Yet i could never understand why you would think up such ideas just to put a smile on my face, but it works.
But now I don't have to wonder anymore do I, because i should have said 'how did you see me the way you did?' because you're with her now aren't you? Not a word to me, things just changed. I used to say "someones life can change in an hour, the world can change in a day so just imagine what can happen in a week" but it didn't even take you an hour did it? Just a matter of minuets. How was there a pedestal under me one second and the next my head was at your feet? I am not asking you this question in fear of the answer as you might think, but because i need and deserve the answer if nothing else.
So goodbye x
You once told me that i was like a god and that I should have statue. I smiled when you said so, knowing you were teasing me but knowing that cared. I never deserved to be thought of as being so important. Yet i could never understand why you would think up such ideas just to put a smile on my face, but it works.
But now I don't have to wonder anymore do I, because i should have said 'how did you see me the way you did?' because you're with her now aren't you? Not a word to me, things just changed. I used to say "someones life can change in an hour, the world can change in a day so just imagine what can happen in a week" but it didn't even take you an hour did it? Just a matter of minuets. How was there a pedestal under me one second and the next my head was at your feet? I am not asking you this question in fear of the answer as you might think, but because i need and deserve the answer if nothing else.
So goodbye x
Friday 10 June 2011
don't know what we are
This would probably be better as a song but hell i can't write music so yeah:
i don't know what you are,
I don't know what you mean,
But somethings different now,
So lets wait and see,
Met at the show,
With the burning lights,
you took me by the hand,
and said "close your eyes",
That's all it took,
one look, one dance,
for you to be in my mind,
got my head out the past,
and then we became us,
no doubt on my mind,
and i was yours,
and you were mine,
we're 5 months strong,
and we're going to last,
so to all the doubters,
I'll just turn and laugh,
i don't know what you are,
I don't know what you mean,
But somethings different now,
So lets wait and see,
i don't know what you are,
I don't know what you mean,
But somethings different now,
So lets wait and see,
Met at the show,
With the burning lights,
you took me by the hand,
and said "close your eyes",
That's all it took,
one look, one dance,
for you to be in my mind,
got my head out the past,
and then we became us,
no doubt on my mind,
and i was yours,
and you were mine,
we're 5 months strong,
and we're going to last,
so to all the doubters,
I'll just turn and laugh,
i don't know what you are,
I don't know what you mean,
But somethings different now,
So lets wait and see,
Wednesday 8 June 2011
happy birthday besttie xx
Dear my best friend Dani,
Happy Birthday hun!!!! Wow 16 at last, it’s “the passing of age” as they say. And at 16 we all know what you can do…but a lottery ticket!!!!! J I know the thought of buying a lottery ticket is amazing isn’t it, just the whole idea of it is insane. It’s a shame you can’t legally do much else now your 16 though :P don’t know why that is. Maybe the government recons people should know that Rome is a capital city before there legal aloud to do anything else lol, sorry hun couldn’t resist.
Happy Birthday hun!!!! Wow 16 at last, it’s “the passing of age” as they say. And at 16 we all know what you can do…but a lottery ticket!!!!! J I know the thought of buying a lottery ticket is amazing isn’t it, just the whole idea of it is insane. It’s a shame you can’t legally do much else now your 16 though :P don’t know why that is. Maybe the government recons people should know that Rome is a capital city before there legal aloud to do anything else lol, sorry hun couldn’t resist.
You are my best friend and you will be for as long as you want to be I promise you. I will never leave you and have no desire to do so because you truly are the best friend I’ve ever had hun. You’re an amazing person and should never see yourself as anything less than that, on today of all days, because you would be very much mistaken. You are beautiful and you should know that and believe it as it is very much true. So now please smile, because you deserve to be happy believe that and believe that dreams come true every day, because they do.
So hun, don’t let this new age change you because I like you just the way you are. I hope you have the best day like you more than deserve. So I love you and happy birthday!!!!!
Lots of love always, Sophie xxx
P.S. sorry the date and time bellow lies, it gave the time that the draft of this post was saved xxx
P.S. sorry the date and time bellow lies, it gave the time that the draft of this post was saved xxx
Countryside
The sun shone on me. At last I was here, with the sun beaming down on me. The one place that I could be myself, without anyone judging me or thinking ill of me for doing so. The overwhelming freedom surrounded me, nobody could touch me here. Any trespassers I would see coming, but i knew they wouldn’t stay long.
The village looked like a mouse from here the hill where i sat was so high. Yet i could still make out the silhouettes of people in the distance, untroubled like i was. Calming me, the spring breeze blew through my hair, rustling the leaves of the blossom covered trees behind me. Sheep baaed in the distance, which echoed off of the surrounding hills. Freshly cut grass was the smell all around me, as I sat there above it all.
Feeling safe at last I drifted downwards so that I was now gazing at the sky. I was immediately absorbed by the endless sapphire above me. Though the occasional fluffy, small,
The village looked like a mouse from here the hill where i sat was so high. Yet i could still make out the silhouettes of people in the distance, untroubled like i was. Calming me, the spring breeze blew through my hair, rustling the leaves of the blossom covered trees behind me. Sheep baaed in the distance, which echoed off of the surrounding hills. Freshly cut grass was the smell all around me, as I sat there above it all.
Feeling safe at last I drifted downwards so that I was now gazing at the sky. I was immediately absorbed by the endless sapphire above me. Though the occasional fluffy, small,
ruined its dazzling appearance, however peaceful they were.
Sitting up, as I had just heard the gentle scattering of a creature nearby, I noticed that something had changed. The sun still shone on me. This change was so subtle that I hadn’t realised it until now. This change was not a bad one, though I think the shock of it kept me motionless there for a minute or so regardless. A different shade of blue mixed with that of the sky. It moved as if it were fairy’s dancing.
A stream, one which had never been here before, was gliding down the hillside nearby. I walked over to it. To me it was as though angels had brought it by some magic as a sign to me that through these troubles times of mine that everything was going to be okay, it was telling me to smile and I did. This perfected the landscape beyond all else. Small fish were swimming joyfully in the stream beneath my feet, moving with the water. Like skaters on ice they were in there element. The sun still shone on me.
Suddenly, it was gone. The beautiful surroundings, that had made me feel as though I was in a dream, had disappeared right in front of my eyes. The sight of my mother, storming up the hillside towards me had made it all turn into blurred shapes. Fear shot through me like lightening. I was in for it now. Something I’d done had managed to annoy her, as always. My mum was like an erupting volcano, destroying all in its path and stopping for nothing and building in intensity be the second. At that the sun had gone.
until next time the sun, the moon and the clouds with the magical wings ask you to smile because you deserve to :P x
Tuesday 7 June 2011
Heartbreak of Shaw
George bernard shaw once wrote "there ore two tragedies in life, one is to lose your hearts desire. The other is to gain it". He was clearly a man who experienced heartbreak a few times in his life.
However I have to say the I whole heatedly disagree with him. Gaining your hearts desire is not a tragedy as without it we are just misery and longing, which are both tragedies in themselves. Also the fact that gaining your hearts desire, if only for a short time, can make all the suffering, pain a grief in the world disappear, because for one moment it can make the world stop and just be magical, then it is far from tragedy. In fact you might say that it is in fact the opposite. This is because you are filled with this feeling, this emotion which we like to call love. Though no words that ever have been nor ever will be spoken can ever do it justice or descirbe its true glory. I mean something of such graceful elegance mixed with its overwhelming good power can never be anything short of amazing, can it?
Now losing your hearts desire can be horrible indeed. The loss of of your hearts desire weather man or woman, old or young, black or white can cause such agony that you feel unable to breathe and that you will die of this excruciating thing which you are going through. In fact you would rather die so that it was all over rather than live like this without happiness or hope. So yes losing your hearts desire may cause a temporary injection of pain, much like that of tearing off a plaster, but isn't this better than having a hearts desire which you do not and will not ever have? because that is one of the true great tragedies of this world. Though without longing and without loss we are mere spoiled children, who are as resentful as they are despised.
So I say give me heartbreak, because the torture of never having is far worse than the pain of losing. You should remember the good times where you sang and danced in the park just for an excuse to be close to each other, not caring who saw or what they thought of you for doing so. Because, I'm not sure about you, but I'd give a lot for that moment or even just the memory of it, just once.
However I have to say the I whole heatedly disagree with him. Gaining your hearts desire is not a tragedy as without it we are just misery and longing, which are both tragedies in themselves. Also the fact that gaining your hearts desire, if only for a short time, can make all the suffering, pain a grief in the world disappear, because for one moment it can make the world stop and just be magical, then it is far from tragedy. In fact you might say that it is in fact the opposite. This is because you are filled with this feeling, this emotion which we like to call love. Though no words that ever have been nor ever will be spoken can ever do it justice or descirbe its true glory. I mean something of such graceful elegance mixed with its overwhelming good power can never be anything short of amazing, can it?
Now losing your hearts desire can be horrible indeed. The loss of of your hearts desire weather man or woman, old or young, black or white can cause such agony that you feel unable to breathe and that you will die of this excruciating thing which you are going through. In fact you would rather die so that it was all over rather than live like this without happiness or hope. So yes losing your hearts desire may cause a temporary injection of pain, much like that of tearing off a plaster, but isn't this better than having a hearts desire which you do not and will not ever have? because that is one of the true great tragedies of this world. Though without longing and without loss we are mere spoiled children, who are as resentful as they are despised.
So I say give me heartbreak, because the torture of never having is far worse than the pain of losing. You should remember the good times where you sang and danced in the park just for an excuse to be close to each other, not caring who saw or what they thought of you for doing so. Because, I'm not sure about you, but I'd give a lot for that moment or even just the memory of it, just once.
You think so much
You think your so superior to me, don't you? I can see it in your eyes when you look at me, I can hear it in your voice when you talk to me and i can feel it in your touch when you hug me. In your mind your looking down on me from a height of 6ft aren't you? but in reality your not even close.
You think you know me to, don't you? with they way you talk, thinking you can control my every move, but i assure you that you can't. You tell me to do something and true i may do it, but if you new the whole truth about me you wouldn't dare order me around. In fact i think you'd be scared of getting to close to me. If you knew half of my past then you would be so shocked that eyebrow that twitches when your angry would be half way down your back by the time I'd finished talking.
You think you matter to me? not half as much as you think or do. I hide behind my mask of innocents so you, nor any other, can see the monster within. But behind this mask is me a beast. I despise you, why wouldn't I? You think your so perfect, your mood is the right mood, your reaction is the right reaction, your way is the right way. I hate to break it you hun, but your not always right. There was a time when I'll admit i believed you to be nearly as great as you think you are, but that was short lived because then i saw and got to know the real you and i hated it! You put me through this pain without even knowing it, and i want to run away from it from you because you are war.
You think i should leave? I can't. With ever fibre of my being i wish i could lose you forever and make you disappear, i never want to be near you yet i always am. You see unfortunately for me there will always be that attachment there which i can not destroy because of what you were to me, once.
You think a lot of things and i can tell you now that you are wrong. Yet there was something inside of you, once. Maybe deep down i don't leave you, or fight you, or hurt you because i hope it's still there. But hun, if you don't stop thinking the day will come when i do.
You think you know me to, don't you? with they way you talk, thinking you can control my every move, but i assure you that you can't. You tell me to do something and true i may do it, but if you new the whole truth about me you wouldn't dare order me around. In fact i think you'd be scared of getting to close to me. If you knew half of my past then you would be so shocked that eyebrow that twitches when your angry would be half way down your back by the time I'd finished talking.
You think you matter to me? not half as much as you think or do. I hide behind my mask of innocents so you, nor any other, can see the monster within. But behind this mask is me a beast. I despise you, why wouldn't I? You think your so perfect, your mood is the right mood, your reaction is the right reaction, your way is the right way. I hate to break it you hun, but your not always right. There was a time when I'll admit i believed you to be nearly as great as you think you are, but that was short lived because then i saw and got to know the real you and i hated it! You put me through this pain without even knowing it, and i want to run away from it from you because you are war.
You think i should leave? I can't. With ever fibre of my being i wish i could lose you forever and make you disappear, i never want to be near you yet i always am. You see unfortunately for me there will always be that attachment there which i can not destroy because of what you were to me, once.
You think a lot of things and i can tell you now that you are wrong. Yet there was something inside of you, once. Maybe deep down i don't leave you, or fight you, or hurt you because i hope it's still there. But hun, if you don't stop thinking the day will come when i do.
Monday 6 June 2011
5 things i could not live without
1. My friends - I honestly don't know how i or anybody else for that matter could live with out there friends. They are without any doubt the most important things/people in my life and they all mean the world to me and I'd do anything for them... almost.
2. My heart - of coarse everybody needs there heart to keep them alive but as you may have gathered by reading past over future posts on this blog that i prefer the emotional meaning when it comes to hearts. I think that it is more important to love then to ever do anything else as without love were are hatred, anger and range and frankly hardly there at all so it's needed.
3. Writing - everybody needs a way of expressing themselves to stop a great overload of feelings and emotions which could end badly. And writing is mine weather it be on this blog, on facebook, a random sheet of paper or anywhere really.
4. My laptop - i may have only got it a couple of weeks ago but now I'm sorry to say it's a necessity. On here i can talk to the most important people in my life, express myself, listen to the music i like, watch the TV i love and basically be free to do as i wish.
5. My phone - Okay it's fair to say I'm a fan of technology but my phone keeps me in contact with anybody i wish to whenever i like, which in my case is definitely needed as without talking to my friends i tend to go a bit crazy and do stupid things as many of them know.
So those are the 5 most important things in my life and they all mean a lot to me, especially the first in case you have not already gathered this. until next time the sun, the moon and the clouds with the magical wings ask you to smile because you deserve to :P x
2. My heart - of coarse everybody needs there heart to keep them alive but as you may have gathered by reading past over future posts on this blog that i prefer the emotional meaning when it comes to hearts. I think that it is more important to love then to ever do anything else as without love were are hatred, anger and range and frankly hardly there at all so it's needed.
3. Writing - everybody needs a way of expressing themselves to stop a great overload of feelings and emotions which could end badly. And writing is mine weather it be on this blog, on facebook, a random sheet of paper or anywhere really.
4. My laptop - i may have only got it a couple of weeks ago but now I'm sorry to say it's a necessity. On here i can talk to the most important people in my life, express myself, listen to the music i like, watch the TV i love and basically be free to do as i wish.
5. My phone - Okay it's fair to say I'm a fan of technology but my phone keeps me in contact with anybody i wish to whenever i like, which in my case is definitely needed as without talking to my friends i tend to go a bit crazy and do stupid things as many of them know.
So those are the 5 most important things in my life and they all mean a lot to me, especially the first in case you have not already gathered this. until next time the sun, the moon and the clouds with the magical wings ask you to smile because you deserve to :P x
Friday 3 June 2011
wants?
he be not as kind to thy self
as he be to many another beating heart
that is thrust across these twirling winds,
They say he wants justice,
but then why did he not rain it upon us,
They say he wants peace,
Yet it is far from sight,
They say he wants equality,
then why are we fighting for it?
So he can open up the ground and open up the sky,
for i am going neither way
as he be to many another beating heart
that is thrust across these twirling winds,
They say he wants justice,
but then why did he not rain it upon us,
They say he wants peace,
Yet it is far from sight,
They say he wants equality,
then why are we fighting for it?
So he can open up the ground and open up the sky,
for i am going neither way
An eruption of hearts
It's there inside of me, a green and red monster eating away at my suffering. Constantly she attacks my chest, my mind, my heart. Weather a word, a thought or a sight triggers her, her presence is always palpable and as much of a nightmare as her last aggressive appearence. Roaring every time i see him with her I feel tortured and as though i am present but no longer alive. She is submerged...for now, a volcano waiting to erupt.
People say I'm weak, but they have no idea. It takes an army armed with spears, swords, guns fighting like superheros to keep my monster at bay every time they are together. A war is always raging inside of me, but the pain of war is less then the pain which the free monster would bring to the person I love. My monster of envy, anger, depression is unminded and unforgiving you see and it would poison. My monster is hidden...for now, a soldier waiting to be called to war.
I am not who you think I am. Not a shy, sweet, innocent child i am a monster and my time is coming. I am going to break out of these restaraints and then I am coming. Nobody will ever know what triggered the sudden outbreak of the monster within me, not even the one i love who is unknowingly tormenting me through the prize. Some say atleast your love is happy and with that i agree but the fact i don't and can't make my love so is one of the greatest tortures anyone can ever suffer through. I am imprisioned...for now, a prisoner waiting for there punishment. But when it is given, when the gun is fired i am upon you....
People say I'm weak, but they have no idea. It takes an army armed with spears, swords, guns fighting like superheros to keep my monster at bay every time they are together. A war is always raging inside of me, but the pain of war is less then the pain which the free monster would bring to the person I love. My monster of envy, anger, depression is unminded and unforgiving you see and it would poison. My monster is hidden...for now, a soldier waiting to be called to war.
I am not who you think I am. Not a shy, sweet, innocent child i am a monster and my time is coming. I am going to break out of these restaraints and then I am coming. Nobody will ever know what triggered the sudden outbreak of the monster within me, not even the one i love who is unknowingly tormenting me through the prize. Some say atleast your love is happy and with that i agree but the fact i don't and can't make my love so is one of the greatest tortures anyone can ever suffer through. I am imprisioned...for now, a prisoner waiting for there punishment. But when it is given, when the gun is fired i am upon you....
Wednesday 1 June 2011
happy birthday friend
To a dear friend,
it's your birthday today so i thought i would write this for you.
1st of all Happy birthday hun i love you now and always will because you're amazing. I hope you had a lovely day and got everything you wanted because you deserve it and that you enjoyed my present :P
wow 18, you can do more now than ever before and are now really in the world. But don't grow up to fast where would be the fun in that??? and WOW you have a guy!!! I hope you enjoy the lessons and pass your test 1st time so you can get down here.
So yeah i love you hun, happy birthday x
it's your birthday today so i thought i would write this for you.
1st of all Happy birthday hun i love you now and always will because you're amazing. I hope you had a lovely day and got everything you wanted because you deserve it and that you enjoyed my present :P
wow 18, you can do more now than ever before and are now really in the world. But don't grow up to fast where would be the fun in that??? and WOW you have a guy!!! I hope you enjoy the lessons and pass your test 1st time so you can get down here.
So yeah i love you hun, happy birthday x
London
A few years ago some crazy lady came into our English class and told us all to write a peace of poetry which could win some competition or some unimportant shizz like that. So because i have nothing better to do with my life at 8am in the morning in the holidays i am now going to share it with whoever might be reading this random blog just because i can. I also hope that 1. i can write better now and 2. the other creaters of this poem won't mind my sharing it with you (whoever you are) so anyways...
London is a freckle on the face of the earth,
Blood veins flowing through the city,
Parliament mumbles against the bite of gangsters knives,
CCTV blinks, no trust in the world,
Pollution lashes across the nostrils,
The life of the city rests in our hands,
A cloud above my head whilst walking,
Air burnt by the stain of graffiti,
The brain is a black and white paper of culture,
Getting swallowed by the thousand tone mass that rests above our shoulders,
We are mere young woman of breezed beauties,
No peace, no quiet,
Opportunities, fame and succcess,
With the flying wolf above us all,
The eye above us all,
London is the face of danger,
The capital helps us to see,
Helps us to find our destiny,
So yer that was it. Thanks again to the other writers of this poem we had some great times together.
until next time the sun, the moon and the clouds with the magical wings ask you to smile because you deserve to :P x
London is a freckle on the face of the earth,
Blood veins flowing through the city,
Parliament mumbles against the bite of gangsters knives,
CCTV blinks, no trust in the world,
Pollution lashes across the nostrils,
The life of the city rests in our hands,
A cloud above my head whilst walking,
Air burnt by the stain of graffiti,
The brain is a black and white paper of culture,
Getting swallowed by the thousand tone mass that rests above our shoulders,
We are mere young woman of breezed beauties,
No peace, no quiet,
Opportunities, fame and succcess,
With the flying wolf above us all,
The eye above us all,
London is the face of danger,
The capital helps us to see,
Helps us to find our destiny,
So yer that was it. Thanks again to the other writers of this poem we had some great times together.
until next time the sun, the moon and the clouds with the magical wings ask you to smile because you deserve to :P x
Tuesday 31 May 2011
The touch of a butterflies wings
I am a first time blogger who is supposedly a little bit crazy....personally i think that i am completely normal. and i intend to write about whatever i can think of whenever i can be bothered to write anything and post it so yeah here it goes....
Once upon a time there was a lonely girl sitting alone in a field of exactly 1,000 yellow daisy's. Tears fell out of her shining deep brown eyes and onto the spotty dress which she was wearing. Now why this young child was aloud alone in a field to this day nobody knows but there she was all the same.
This girl, this child was clenching at the grass and daisy's around her skinny ankles as though by grasping them so hard would rid her of the pain which was shooting through her heart and her the torturous thoughts which were ever present in her young, yet understanding mind. How anyone, let alone one so young, could see that whatever a person did there was still good in them even if the bad was showing more forcefully nobody knows. The real world was foreseeable to this innocent child like no other so she sobbed for its horrors and misery.
Just as the child's tears were turning into rivers and her heavy breath sounded like the eruption of a volcano and her face was so pink it looked as though it was about to explode s miracle came.the miracle fluttered across the sky just above the field of exactly 1,000 yellow daisy's towards the girl as though it was drawn to her. This winged miracle landed on the shoulder of the barer of tears. She looked up at its soft touch and her heart was warmed by the beautiful creature. Suddenly the tears stopped because the butterfly was not just another animal that day, but a sign of how beauty stands out against anything.
The delicate animal watched as the girls tears faded and as soon as they came to a stop it lifted its wings and flew towards the loving arms of the sun.The girl gazed after the creature and a smile was beamed from her face as all hope was restored in the world.
hope you liked my aimless story... there's always hope believe that or you'll fall further.
until next time the sun, the moon and the clouds with the magical wings ask you to smile because you deserve to :P x
Once upon a time there was a lonely girl sitting alone in a field of exactly 1,000 yellow daisy's. Tears fell out of her shining deep brown eyes and onto the spotty dress which she was wearing. Now why this young child was aloud alone in a field to this day nobody knows but there she was all the same.
This girl, this child was clenching at the grass and daisy's around her skinny ankles as though by grasping them so hard would rid her of the pain which was shooting through her heart and her the torturous thoughts which were ever present in her young, yet understanding mind. How anyone, let alone one so young, could see that whatever a person did there was still good in them even if the bad was showing more forcefully nobody knows. The real world was foreseeable to this innocent child like no other so she sobbed for its horrors and misery.
Just as the child's tears were turning into rivers and her heavy breath sounded like the eruption of a volcano and her face was so pink it looked as though it was about to explode s miracle came.the miracle fluttered across the sky just above the field of exactly 1,000 yellow daisy's towards the girl as though it was drawn to her. This winged miracle landed on the shoulder of the barer of tears. She looked up at its soft touch and her heart was warmed by the beautiful creature. Suddenly the tears stopped because the butterfly was not just another animal that day, but a sign of how beauty stands out against anything.
The delicate animal watched as the girls tears faded and as soon as they came to a stop it lifted its wings and flew towards the loving arms of the sun.The girl gazed after the creature and a smile was beamed from her face as all hope was restored in the world.
hope you liked my aimless story... there's always hope believe that or you'll fall further.
until next time the sun, the moon and the clouds with the magical wings ask you to smile because you deserve to :P x
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